I’m bored of my lesbian lover and want to be exclusive with my husband again
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I are in an open relationship and it was good – until I got bored.
I’ve been seeing a woman I met on a dating app. It’s great fun and I feel I’ve got a good friendship with her too.
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My husband was happy enough for me to go ahead with dating women. I think he thought it was something I needed to get out of my system.
I am 34 and my husband is 36. We’ve been together for seven years.
Friends can’t believe my husband is going along with this set-up and sometimes neither can I.
Even though I’d say I am happily married, I had a drunken night of sex with a female friend last year. It was the first time I’d been with another woman and it blew my mind.
After that, I found myself wanting to experiment again with another woman.
I talked to my husband about it, and he gave me the green light. I went online and after talking to several women, I ended up meeting one.
I felt an instant connection with her. What started as a bit of fun developed into the best friendship I have ever had.
She is 35. We would regularly meet up at her flat for cosy nights — normally when my husband was on a lads’ night out.
I was so happy and didn’t feel in the least bit guilty. But then she told me she’d fallen for me and said she loves me.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t feel the same way.
One year on, we are still sleeping together but I’ve grown bored with the sex. In fact I’d rather we kept it platonic.
She expected me to stop having sex with my husband but says she doesn’t want me to leave him. I don’t know exactly what she wants.
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I do love her, just not in that way. There never seems to be a right time to have a conversation with her.
I don’t want to hurt her and I’m worried I’ll lose my best friend.
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DEIDRE SAYS: A couple of same-sex experiences doesn’t mean your underlying sexuality has changed, though you’ve clearly discovered a dimension to your sexuality you don’t seem to have been aware of before.
These situations always bring emotional risks. Ending a relationship, however long it has been, is never easy.
But you’re doing the right thing – it would be wrong to let this drift on when you know it’s not what you want long-term. It’s not fair to your patient and obliging husband either.
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MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Let her down gently but be firm and tell her that you are going to focus on your marriage.
My support pack, Ending A Relationship, has some helpful tips.