I forced myself to sleep with my husband to stop him from leaving me
DEAR DEIDRE: I FORCED myself to sleep with my husband in the hope it would stop him from leaving me for his mistress.
He said he’ll only stay if our sex life improves.
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Even though the last thing I want to do is to be intimate with him, I know staying together is best for our kids.
I’m 45, he’s 48 and we’ve been married for the last 21 years.
I really noticed things changed when we went abroad to Spain for the Easter break.
Normally when we go on holiday, he’s all over me — it’s like his sex drive spikes the second we step off the plane.
But this time, he wasn’t interested, not once.
He also spent hours on his phone each day. When we got back home, I demanded an explanation.
First he was “just tired”, then had “no energy”, and eventually he admitted he’d met someone.
He says he still loves me but he has strong feelings for this woman from his gym.
Apparently, the only thing that stopped him from leaving was our sons, aged 15 and nine.
When I asked what he wanted, he said: “If we improve our sex life, I’ll stay.”
I didn’t even know we had an issue in the bedroom.
So the next night, I sent the kids to my sister’s.
When he got in from work, I answered the door in my silk dressing gown and nothing else.
I forced myself to have sex with him, in the hope it would help persuade him to stay.
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But I hated every second. All I could think about was him and this other woman together.
Now I’m wondering how often he will expect me to perform like this.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE SAYS: After an affair, it’s crucial you work out your issues, so you can reconnect. Only then will you truly be able to enjoy your sex life.
Your husband is putting the responsibility to save your marriage entirely on your shoulders.
But you both need to make an effort to fix the issues – like trust and communication.
He hasn’t explained exactly what he’s missing and you are jumping to conclusions.
You both need to have the courage to share what you would like to change in your relationship.
Kids aren’t a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.
They’re smarter than we give them credit for, and will be picking up on the tension.
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MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Reach out to Relate () to find a counsellor. Some sessions together and on your own might be useful.
I’m also sending you my support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?