The menopause is tough enough, but now my husband’s been sexting other women
DEAR DEIDRE: IT’S hard enough having to deal with the blinding migraines and weight gain that comes with menopause, but now my husband has really put the boot in by sexting other women.
He has no respect and even messages them while I’m lying in bed next to him.
I’m 48, my husband’s 54, and we’ve been together for almost 30 years.
A few years ago, I wasn’t feeling right. I was struggling to remember things and found myself sweating through the sheets most nights.
Tests at the doctors confirmed I was going through the menopause.
My doctor offered me HRT, but I held off as my friends had mixed reviews.
Unfortunately, my symptoms have worsened; awful migraines, itchy skin, weight gain and my libido disappeared completely.
I assumed my husband would understand, and, to my face, he was really supportive.
Last week, he’d gone to the pub with his brothers. Earlier in the day, he’d been telling me about these cooling pads you could sleep on to help with night sweats.
I opened his iPad, hoping the tab would still be open. But a text alert popped up, which read: “Hey handsome. Fancy another round tonight?”
I know I shouldn’t have clicked on it, but I couldn’t help myself.
There, staring back at me, were five different message chains with women I didn’t recognise.
He’d been sexting them all late at night.
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He’d messaged one woman describing what he’d like to do to her while I was laying beside him!
I know it’s only what you would call “emotional cheating” but it still hurts.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Emotional cheating for many is more damaging than physical cheating, so please don’t undervalue your reaction.
By messaging these other women, he has taken attention away from your relationship and broken the trust between you.
You need to have an open and honest conversation about why he felt the need to do this.
Is it because he’s missing the physical side of your relationship? Or are there other issues you need to work through?
It might help to speak to a counsellor together to discuss what has happened and make a plan to improve things.
Approach (020 7380 1960) to find someone local.
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Talk to your doctor and ask to be referred to a menopause clinic. It may well be worth trying HRT yourself to see if you notice any improvement.
I’m also sending you my support pack on The Menopause, which has some tips on dealing with your symptoms.