What is an open relationship?

DEIDRE SAYS:  Polyamory is on the rise, with one-fifth of Brits now in open relationships and another 12 per cent open to exploring non-monogamy. 

But what does it really mean to be in an open, non-monogamous relationship? 

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term, referring to relationships that involve more than two people.    

There are various different ways of doing this, and so it might help to think of monogamy on a spectrum. 

At one end are those who choose to have a closed relationship with one other person. At the other end is polyamory, where individuals choose to have multiple, equal relationships. 

In the middle, there are those exploring hierarchical polyamory. This is where you have one main partner – known as your primary relationship – as well as other more casual partnerships. 

But if either you or your partner are jealous or insecure, then an open relationship might not be for you. 

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T FOR EVERYONE

While open relationships work for some, they’re not the ideal solution for all. 

Being intimate with other people regularly leads to jealousy, insecurity and ultimately the end of the original relationship. 

But if you’re set on making an open relationship work, here are some key things to remember.  

BEING OPEN IS KEY

Trust and communication are key in any relationship, particularly in an open one. 

Be transparent about your expectations and needs – an open relationship might mean something different to you and your partner, so it’s important you define it. 

Secret non-monogamy is widely considered as cheating, so it’s important to talk to your partner before you get involved with other people. 

Bear in mind that your partner may not initially jump on board. For some, there may be concerns that the reason you want to open your relationship is that you want to play the field, or that your current partner isn’t enough for you.

Reassuring your partner and regularly checking in on how they’re feeling should help keep things healthy.  

YOU HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES 

What, who and how. 

Ensure you both understand and sign up to the same deal. What sort of relationship are you entering? Are you going to have multiple, equal partners? Or are you just looking for a physical relationship alongside your primary one? 

And what practical details do you need to discuss? For example, are you both going to use protection to reduce your risk of getting, or sharing, an STI?

Who is off-limits? Have a conversation about whether you’re okay with the other dating friends, friends of friends and exes. 

How are you going to explain your relationship to other people? Are you in an open relationship? Are you polyamorous? 

Having a label is not essential, and can cause quite a lot of stress. But, letting everyone involved in your open relationship know the situation will help avoid any surprises later on. 

More information is available in our Looking After Your Relationship support pack. 

Whatever your worry, you’re not alone. The Dear Deidre team will be able to recommend your best next steps. 

For a support pack and personalised advice, email us at deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk or for a prompt response, message us on Facebook or Instagram.