I’m considering an affair to get revenge on my cheating girlfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM considering an affair – to get revenge on my cheating girlfriend.
I took her back, but I can’t forget how much she hurt me and I no longer trust her.
I’m 26, she is 25 and we have been together for three years.
I thought we were really happy and didn’t see any signs of a problem.
But six months ago, she told me she had fallen for a guy on Facebook.
She said she wasn’t sure if she still wanted to be with me.
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Although she admitted they had met up several times and kissed, she denied having sex with him.
I asked her not to leave but to see if we could work things out.
She agreed and said she would stop seeing him.
In the meantime, I started researching her ex-lover.
I found out he had form for sleeping with other men’s girlfriends, making them fall for him, and then dumping them.
I let my girlfriend know what I’d heard. I wanted to make sure she stayed with me, but I also didn’t want to see her getting used and hurt.
It turns out she had heard the same. She said the whole thing had been a huge mistake and she had been foolish.
Since then, she has been the perfect, loyal girlfriend. She says she is committed to me now and her affair was just a blip because she got scared.
We should be really happy. The problem is, I can’t get her cheating out of my head.
Whenever we have sex, I imagine her with him.
She doesn’t understand why I’m being distant with her.
Now I’m wondering if the only way I can get over this is if I cheat too.
That way she’ll know how I feel. Or maybe I should just end the relationship because it’s irreparable.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Heartbreak is an overwhelming emotion and it can make people think and act irrationally.
I know you’re in pain, but it won’t be eased by cheating on your girlfriend. All that will do is destroy your relationship entirely.
Not to mention that it would be cruel for you to use an innocent third party just to make your girlfriend jealous.
If you do truly love her, you need to talk to her honestly about your feelings.
My support pack, Cheating, Can you Get over It?, should help.
But you may need professional couples counselling.
Find support through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, ).
