My partner had a ‘quickie’ at his work Christmas party – I’m devastated
'I don’t know where we go from here'
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner had a “quickie” at his work Christmas party. I’m devastated at the thought of him having sex in some sordid corner.
I was going through his pockets before washing his trousers after his work team’s end of year do and I found a post-it note saying, “How about that quickie?”
I was gutted. I’d had my suspicions that my partner’s attention was elsewhere but I never thought he’d actually cheat.
We’ve lived together for seven years and things have hit a dry spell. We haven’t been having much sex and I can’t remember the last time we had a date night.
I’m 35 and he’s 37. We’ve been to so many weddings this year we couldn’t even afford a holiday with all the stag and hen dos to pay for.
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So it doesn’t feel like we’ve had any time to ourselves to work on things.
Before his party we’d talked about our relationship and promised one another we’d make more effort. After finding this note, I waited until he was asleep and checked his phone.
It was obvious that he’d been seeing this woman a few times. They’d had sex once and oral sex once from what I could gather.
I hardly slept a wink but the next morning I was sitting in the lounge waiting for him to come down.
He knew immediately that I was upset. I showed him the note. He went red and couldn’t say anything but sorry.
He said it had happened once but he’ll do anything to put things right.
But I can’t talk to anyone about it. I feel embarrassed and upset that I wasn’t enough for him and he looked elsewhere for sex. I don’t know where we go from here.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’ve helped many couples where one has had an affair. It doesn’t mean that it’s over if you are both invested in what you have together.
The shock can be a wake-up call that you’ve taken one another for granted and splitting up isn’t what you want.
It will take time and patience. The good news is your partner is remorseful and will do anything to put things right so talk to him about where he thinks things have gone wrong.
If you can’t sort this out amicably, suggest some couples’ counselling.
My support pack on cheating explains more about next steps and where to find a counsellor for emotional support.
