Moving in with my disabled girlfriend would leave us worse off
DEAR DEIDRE: Although I love the idea of moving in with my girlfriend, her disability means we’ll be much worse off financially if we cohabit.
It seems really unfair and I’m not sure what to do for the best.
I’m 47 and my girlfriend is 39. She has MS and gets disability benefits.
We met online three years ago. We both live in one-bedroom flats in the same city.
We’d like to move our relationship on a stage and live together. It also makes sense not to pay two lots of rent and bills.
But my girlfriend has been told she’ll lose most of her benefits if she lives with me.
If that happens, we’ll actually end up with less money, and she’ll be financially dependent on me - which won’t be good for our future.
She wants to stay independent and has now ruled out the idea, but I want to find a solution.
Do you have any advice?
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page or email us at:
DEIDRE SAYS: The benefits system is complex but your girlfriend is correct. Her ESA (employment and support allowance) will stop if she moves in with you as a couple.
It’s understandable that she doesn’t want to become financially reliant on you. And, as you point out, it wouldn’t be healthy for the relationship either.
See if you can find a solution together.
Advice Now () publishes a booklet titled ‘A survival guide to living with a partner and benefits’, which would be very helpful. Talk to your local Citizens’ Advice for more guidance ().
