Dear Deidre
Wife’s controlling behaviour can’t tame me
DEAR DEIDRE: My wife controls everything in my life – from what we eat and where we holiday, to when and how we have sex.
She has been in charge of our entire relationship, until now.
Recently, I have fallen for someone else and I finally feel like standing up to her.
She is 42, I’m 45 and we’ve been married for 16 years.
She belittles me in public and controls our sorry sex life.
It’s pitiful for me. I have climaxed once with her in 16 years because she does what she wants, orgasms, then leaves me to my own devices.
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We had agreed to not having children but as time has moved on, I’ve changed my mind.
Every time I bring up the subject, my wife shuts me down. She prefers our nice holidays and fancy cars.
I used to think of the future and feel nothing but blue.
Then recently, I was walking our dog and met this attractive woman whose little girl wanted to pet my dog. Her daughter is five. We talked for ages.
Since then I would regularly bump into them and have a lovely chat.
One day, while her daughter was in school, we went for a coffee. She’s 28 and told me that her ex was violent and she still felt frightened.
I comforted her and she whispered “thank you” in my ear. It felt so intimate.
She invited me round for her daughter’s sixth birthday party. My wife isn’t happy. She’s told me I’m obsessed with this woman and I should stop seeing them.
I am falling for this woman and I would leave my wife for her in a heartbeat.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings are real but you hardly know this woman.
She’s been in an abusive relationship, which is perhaps why you were drawn to her.
After being forced into a submissive role in your marriage, it will be appealing to take on the role of the protector and supporter.
Please be mindful that your sexual attraction to her may not be reciprocated.
You have changed your mind about having children so that isn’t your wife’s fault. But if the control and abusive behaviour from your wife is driving you away, a couple’s counsellor could help you, even if you do separate.
See how to find this support, and read how to unscramble your feelings, in my support pack Love Or Lust?.
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