Dear Deidre
I’m pregnant but my partner is having an affair – I want our little family to be together
My lover took a couple of months to split with his wife and moved straight in with me, but there’s been no fairy tale ending
DEAR DEIDRE: WITHIN a year I’ve been the girlfriend, mistress, back to the girlfriend, the mum-to-be and now – the real curveball – the wronged partner.
It’s been a dizzying year and I’m struggling to make sense of what our relationship means now.
I’m 36 and my partner is 38.
When we met at the tennis club I was in a long-term relationship and he was married but we couldn’t stay away from each other.
The sexual chemistry was strong from the start and one evening a few of us went to the pub for a drink.
His wife was away and we both knew what was coming.
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After a few drinks we went back to his place and ripped each other’s clothes off.
I finished with my boyfriend soon after, it was the right thing to do as we’d become more like friends.
My lover took a couple of months to split with his wife and moved straight in with me, but there’s been no fairy tale ending.
I’ve discovered he’s had an affair with a woman at work since getting together with me.
The day I discovered I was pregnant was the day I found out about her.
He said it was a big mistake, called it off with her and now completely blanks her. But the damage is done.
Between them, they wrecked me.
I used to trust everyone and everything but my faith in other people has been shattered.
We have had a few months apart because I simply couldn’t drop the subject of his affair.
I love my partner, I’m six months pregnant and I want our little family to be together but I cannot get over what he did to me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised you feel unsettled, your email has more highs and lows than Love Island.
Once the trust has been broken it can be incredibly hard to rebuild.
Being betrayed can be incredibly hurtful and feelings can linger long after the event.
If your relationship has any chance of surviving this, your partner needs to be prepared to reassure you – lots.
You need some consistency and stability now, don’t get drawn into the drama.
Talk to your partner and explain your feelings so you can see if there is a way forward together even if it is only for the sake of your baby to start with.
My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help with this.
Dear Deidre: Understanding why your man's gone off sex
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