Revenge drove my ex to destroy the bond between me and my children
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's personal replies to today's problems.
DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex has destroyed the bond between me and my children and I’m heartbroken.
I’m 52. My husband was a jealous, controlling, bully who stopped me from seeing my friends. He even stopped me from seeing my sister.
I stuck with him for the sake of my three children, in fact, I felt I couldn’t get out as he controlled the money.
After 25 years and the kids leaving home, I couldn’t take any more. He fought our divorce every step of the way.
He found out I was seeing somebody new last year so he started stirring up trouble between me and the children.
They believed all his lies and took his side. I’ve tried building bridges but our relationships are so strained.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your children may feel threatened and have always found it hard to stand up to their bullying dad, but deep in their hearts they know the truth.
If they ask for some honesty, they’re old enough to understand what happened.
Explain how you felt when you were with their dad by using, “I felt hurt..” words rather than “He hurt me…”.
This will help them to recognise that you are not interested in point scoring. It may help to build up those relationships again.
Keep communication open. Send cards and texts. Let’s hope that the constant show of love will eventually break through.
Find support through Family Lives (, Tel: 0808 800 2222), for all parents and carers of children no matter what their age.
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