I feel suicidal after the seeing the pain my mum went through before she passed

DEAR DEIDRE: HEARING the panic and pain my mum went through as she died from a cardiac arrest is something I don’t think I’ll ever get over.

I called her neighbours and jumped in my car to drive to where she lives, but it was half an hour away. 

By the time I got there, the ambulance team and her next-door neighbour were with her, but it was too late. She’d passed away 10 minutes earlier.

I’m her son and I’m 49. She was 74 and we were very close.

All of these thoughts keep going around in my head - what if I’d been with her? Could I have saved her? Could I have known what was about to happen from the tone in her voice?

My wife doesn’t know how I’m feeling but sometimes I feel suicidal and want to be with Mum.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry. What you’re experiencing is all part of the grieving process and guilt is one of the feelings people often have when they lose a loved one.

A cardiac arrest needs urgent medical intervention within minutes so it’s unlikely she’d have survived.

But what was good is that she was talking to a loved one just before being taken ill.

Sue Ryder (sueryder.org,  Tel: 0808 164 4572) can help with free bereavement counselling.