My financial mess has left me unable to have sex with my wife – I’m so stressed

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I walk into a shop, I buy clothes I can’t afford.

I’m now in debt and my anxiety levels are so high, I’m unable to have sex with my wife. I’m terrified I’m going to lose her – which just makes me spend more.

I’m a 44-year-old man, and my wife is 41. Shopping has always been the way I deal with stress – now it’s out of control.

When I buy a new pair of jeans or T-shirt, it feels like everything will be OK.

Then the guilt sets in and I feel worse than ever because I know my debts are spiralling. That just makes me want to go shopping again.

I love my wife and find her very sexy, but when we go to bed together, I can’t perform. She thinks the problem is her. I can’t tell her the truth.

She doesn’t know the financial mess I’m in, and I know she would leave me if she found out.

Please help.

DEIDRE SAYS: Compulsive shopping is a way to escape negative feelings. It gives you an adrenaline rush, which quickly dissipates.

You need to get to the root of why you do it. Ask your GP about cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which can be very effective.

Be honest with your wife, so she can help you and stop blaming herself.

Stress does affect libido. Getting help will almost certainly resolve this.

Read my support packs on Stress, and Solving Debt Problems, which offer practical solutions.