DEAR DEIDRE
My wife has been cheating on me with her female friend – I’m not sure I can get over this
After my wife came home, she seemed evasive, which made me suspicious
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my wife stayed over at her best friend’s flat after a boozy night out, I was worried she had taken a guy back with her.
The truth was worse. I learned that she’d actually cheated with her female friend — and it wasn’t the first time.
I’m 36 and my wife of five years is 34. A few weeks ago, she went on a hen night, telling me it was safer to stay at her friend’s place afterwards.
Her friend is 33, single and always on the pull, so I was worried she might lead my wife astray.
After my wife came home, she seemed evasive, which made me suspicious.
I kept asking what had happened. Eventually, I wore her down and she admitted that she had been unfaithful — but not with a guy.
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Crying, she confessed she had slept with her friend. And not just that — it had happened before, several times over the previous nine months.
I was gutted, not just that she had cheated but also because she’d repeatedly lied to me.
She has begged me to forgive her, saying she has been feeling confused about her sexuality, but loves me.
She then told me she’d had a lesbian encounter when she was a student. I had no idea. She says those feelings have reawakened over the past year.
Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
She claims what happened was a mistake but I can’t get my head around that.
Once might be a mistake, but several times?
And why stay at her friend’s flat when she knew what would happen?
I’m not sure I can get over this.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Finding out your wife has repeatedly cheated with a woman has come as a huge shock to you.
You are dealing with not only her infidelity, but also the fact that she has sexual feelings for women, which she had never told you.
It is possible to get over an infidelity. But if your wife is confused about her sexuality, then she needs to work through these feelings.
Don’t be tempted to encourage her to suppress her sexuality. I’m afraid that would only provide a short-term solution.
It might be wise for you and your wife to seek counselling, both alone and together so you can work out if you have a future as a couple.
My support packs How Counselling Can Help and Bisexual Questions should be helpful for her to read.
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