DEAR DEIDRE
My friends have shunned me after I revealed S&M sex with my husband
READ Dear Deidre Editor Sally Land's person replies to today's problems
DEAR DEIDRE: FRIENDS have pushed me away after I let slip that my husband and I enjoy a little light S&M.
We were on a girls’ night recently and after a few glasses of wine one friend asked what was the most adventurous gift I have ever received.
Without too much thought I said my husband had bought me a beautiful silk blindfold.
They all looked totally shocked, so I explained we sometimes handcuff each other and get the paddles out for a little light spanking.
As soon as I said it, I regretted it, as they looked at me with disdain and disgust.
I’m 40 and my husband is 42, we have two daughters, aged nine and seven.
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I don’t normally talk about personal issues but I thought I could trust these women. It’s not like we go to sex parties.
Our sex life is strictly between us and we never hurt each other.
I’ve known these women for five years, since our children all started at the same school.
But since my revelation they always seem too busy to chat, take ages to get back to my messages and I know they have been out without me.
Our WhatsApp group is suspiciously quiet and I’m sure they’ve created a new one without me.
All of this has been really upsetting, but not nearly as devastating as the way my daughters are now being frozen out as well.
I invited a small group of their friends over for a play recently but every one of them was unavailable.
It’s as if they now think their children may come across a sex dungeon.
How do I reset our friendship and turn things back to how they were?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t pretend this hasn’t happened and nor would I recommend it.
What you and your husband do in private has nothing to do with anyone else.
These women’s behaviour suggests they are judgmental and feel threatened by your adventurous sex life.
You could send a calm, considered message explaining you feel sad things have changed and that you miss their friendship and feel sad your children are missing out too.
It would be nice to think this may make them realise their behaviour has been unkind and narrow minded but don’t hold your breath.
In my experience these types of people don’t like to be questioned and will simply become more entrenched in their viewpoint.
Instead, start to make new friends and take up different interests. My support pack Rows With Friends will help.
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