My boyfriend won’t have sex with me – is he just shy?

DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL I should be having lots of sex with my boyfriend but if I mention it, he gets really angry.

We’ve been together for seven months. He’s 39 and I’m 27. 

I don’t even think about our age gap but I figured he’d be an experienced lover and keen to show me what we should be doing.

He says he loves me and we kiss and we cuddle but that is where it ends.

He has his own place and when I go and stay, we sleep in the same bed and he kisses me goodnight and turns over and goes to sleep.

I’ve asked him when we are going to have sex but he says, “I’m not ready to do that.” Do you think he’s shy?

DEIDRE SAYS: When a man shows little desire for sex but is defensive when you talk about it, it could be down to stress, depression, erectile dysfunction or he may find it hard to sustain intimacy in a lasting relationship.

You may both be inexperienced sexually but for him, it feels like a reflection of who he is as a man and he may take offence.

Explain to him that this is something you both can work on and it should be fun.

Be loving and tactile without making sexual demands. Kissing and cuddling helps because it brings on those feelings of arousal.

If things don’t improve contact The College of Psychosexual and Relationship Therapists for a local therapist (cosrt.org.uk, Tel: 020 8106 9635).