Constant rowing with my teenage son is really getting me down

DEAR DEIDRE: I CANNOT see eye to eye with my son and the constant rowing is really getting me down.

My wife says we are both as bad as each other and very similar.

I’m 47 and my son is 13. Recently, he’s started getting really cheeky and answering me back on every issue.

I have to ask him several times to do one thing, which drives me mad.

I would admit that we are pretty similar, we’re both stubborn, hot-headed and short-tempered.

I’d love to be calmer and more zen but no matter how well intentioned I am by the end of the day we have normally had at least one horrible shouting match where neither of us listens and both of us shouts.

My wife got really upset today. She says the atmosphere in the house is really getting her down.

She’s told me I’ve got to get a grip of my temper or she’s going to leave me.

She told me I’m setting a bad example and she doesn’t want our son brought up in an unhappy environment.

We recently had a horrible fight after my son barged past me and I shoved him up against the wall, all because he refused to come off his phone and do some homework.

He is so unreasonable but in truth I lose my temper too quickly.

How can I become more measured?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It takes a lot of courage to admit that you haven’t got it right, and even more to ask for help so that is a great step.

This is encouraging and the fact you want to make changes is important.

I can feel the frustration building in your letter and do understand how annoyed you get when your son doesn’t listen.

If the phone is a major issue in your home, introduce phone-free times and zones to give everyone a break from the all-consuming mobiles.

We know phones and social media lure kids in and they can find it really hard to regulate their usage without clear rules and boundaries.

Your son is at an age where he’s really going to start pushing back and trying the boundaries so it’s important to be really clear and consistent as a couple.

Before things escalate out of control, tell your son that you will speak to him when he is calm and when he has stopped shouting.

By firmly and calmly putting your foot down you’ll take the volatility out of the situation and will certainly find a resolution far quicker.