My girlfriend has had several affairs with married men – should I contact their wives?
DEAR DEIDRE: CURIOSITY has killed my relationship.
After looking through my girlfriend’s phone I discovered she has had several affairs with married men in the past.
I wouldn’t normally snoop on her but my suspicions were raised after some guy messaged her while we were sitting together.
She said she didn’t know why he was contacting her but he apparently then messaged to apologise, saying he’d pocket-dialled her.
It didn’t ring true so that night I looked and found what was going on.
I’m 33 and she’s 31. We’ve been together for six months.
She’d slept with this guy on and off for three years – right up until when we got together.
She’d also had a one-night stand with a stranger who was on a stag do.
It turned out he was married with children.
Before that she’d had flings with a couple of local married men.
These affairs happened before I met her but I’m not impressed.
I don’t want to be with someone so selfish.
Maybe the best option is to apologise for looking through her phone and then end our relationship.
I’m wondering whether I should tell these wives what my girlfriend did with their husbands.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Telling your girlfriend that you snooped is bound to provoke a reaction and may even sound the death knell for your relationship.
Especially when you reveal what you now know.
But I don’t think you’ll be able to move past this without clearing the air, so it’s a risk you must take.
Talk through what you have discovered and listen to her.
She deserves the chance to change and learn from her past.
That was then and she’s with you now, enjoying a faithful relationship.
While you can’t erase her sexual history you can work to resolve these feelings.
Telling the wives about their husband’s cheating would cause untold emotional damage. Do you really want that on your conscience?
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