I’m technically having an affair with my own girlfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M technically having an affair with my own girlfriend because she’s moved another bloke into her flat.

We are both 29 and we’d been together for three years until the rows started about me being hooked on going out with my mates and getting drunk.

I’ll admit that I was treating her appallingly, not telling her when I wasn’t coming home from work, and sometimes not pitching up for days after a bender.

I’m a currency trader and I love my job. When I’m not at work, I’m out with friends or on my Xbox.

That was the life I had until it all came crashing down after my girlfriend said she’d had enough and threw me out.

She needed space so I moved in with my brother. My girlfriend said she couldn’t afford the rent on her own.

A guy from her work moved into the spare room. He’s 26. She was always talking about him, so I thought there might be a sexual connection.

I sent her a drunken text one night, asking her and she admitted they’d had sex.

She asked if I’d meet her. We went for a coffee. She said that she missed me and the guy meant nothing to her.

She said he was away at a conference so invited me back to our old flat. The sex was off the scale – loving and tender.

She wants me to move back in but she can’t do anything about the other guy. She says she’s stuck because he’s signed a contract and told me not to put my life on hold.

We are meeting up for sex though. Where do I go from here?

Deidre says: She may genuinely care about you but she’s anxious that if you moved back in, you’d be back in that drinking/gaming rut of living selfishly once more. Are you determined to change your ways?

Only if you are determined to make some changes, then encourage her to come clean with her lodger and explain you’re back on the scene.

If she makes a stand, he may move out of his own volition and if he does, it’s your chance to show her you can be a considerate boyfriend.

Go out with your mates but curb your drinking. Arrange date nights with your girlfriend so that you can prove you can be considerate.

If she chooses her lodger-lover over you then you’ll have to accept it’s time to move on.