Is my ADHD diagnosis the reason I’ve struggled with romantic relationships?

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER recently being diagnosed with ADHD and autism I can’t help but think this is the reason why I have always struggled with maintaining romantic relationships and dating.

I am a 30-year-old man. I see things as being very black or white. There are no grey areas so it makes it hard for me to understand what people are going through.

I have been told I have no empathy because I don’t like people sharing their problems with me.

I only offer advice out of a sense of duty. I don’t comfort people when they are upset. I have tried only to be told I make things worse, or I am no good at it.

I also take things literally. I panic when I get a text because I can’t read between the lines and worry I’ve misunderstood what the other person is saying.

I miss social cues and I have been accused of making former girlfriends feel unimportant, which is never my intention. I often upset people without realising.

Even then I’ll need it explained several times before I understand. And if I’m honest there are plenty of incidents where I pretend to understand just so we can all move on.  

I find it easy to talk to women as friends but taking it further always seems daunting.

If I had been diagnosed at a younger age I could have learned strategies to manage. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Dating can be really complicated whether you are autistic or not. It is natural that you want to find a loving relationship.