My lover finally left his wife after five years – but won’t tell his family about me

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER five years of being his dirty little secret, I was delighted when my lover finally left his wife.

I even started dreaming of spending Christmas with him.

But that was six months ago, it’s another lonely festive period and he is no closer to telling his family about me.

I’m 37, my lover is 44, and we first met seven years ago at work.

I’d always had a crush on him, but our relationship was professional until the night of my leaving do.

Knowing he was married with kids, I never imagined the possibility of him reciprocating my feelings.

However, things got out of hand when we shared a taxi home from the bar.

After that, we embarked upon an intense and passionate affair.

He told me how unhappy he was with his wife and how he planned to leave her as soon as their kids were grown-up.

It was hard standing by while he played happy families with someone else, but I held on to hope that eventually we would be together.

So when he told me in June he was finally making the break, I was over the moon.

I felt so relieved that we didn’t have to sneak around any longer. But nothing’s really changed.

We meet out of town and he also avoids settling on a time to come clean about me.

Worse still, since moving back in with his parents, he has refused to sleep over.

I’m trying to be understanding, but growing impatient.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s only natural that your partner will want to take it slowly before being open about your relationship.

Keeping a good relationship with his ex and his children will be at the forefront of his mind and he is likely to be feeling guilty about having an affair with you.

Added to which, he will want his family to think well of him.

He has a lot to lose. Still, it’s unfair of him to expect you to live a life of secrecy.

Find the time to sit down and explain how you are feeling and tell him something needs to change.

Even if it’s small steps, like going out for dinner or spending a weekend away together. It’s important you both make compromises.

If he’s unwilling, then you may need to consider ending things, to give yourself the chance of meeting someone who can give you the commitment you deserve.

My support pack Moving On will help.