I blocked my boyfriend after he didn’t take his health seriously – I dont want to lose him

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my new boyfriend repeatedly refused to take his health concerns seriously, I blocked him.

I really like him, and things were getting serious, but I can’t bear to be in a relationship with someone who neglects his health. Am I overreacting?

I’m 44 and he’s 42. We’ve been seeing each other for a year.

We got on brilliantly and were discussing moving in together, but his lack of concern for his health issues made me so angry, I told him I wouldn’t speak to him until he went to the doctor.

He’s been having niggling symptoms for months – pain and tummy troubles – but he refuses to see his GP or take time off work.

My ex husband was exactly the same, and ended up dying of a cancer that would have been treatable had he got medical attention before it was too late.

I can’t bear to put myself through that again.

I’m terrified of losing another man and would rather not be with him, if this is how our future will be.

I’ve tried explaining this, but he says I should stop being so anxious.

He thinks I’m being ridiculous and it’s his health, not mine.

DEIDRE SAYS: Losing your husband must have been so traumatic, and it’s not surprising your boyfriend’s behaviour is triggering.

Unfortunately, he’s not unusual. Research shows that men are much less likely than women to seek medical help or advice.

Often it’s because they’re scared of bad news, or have an idea that men should be strong.

Blocking him won’t help. You need to talk to him again face to face.

Ask him if he’ll go to the doctor just for you. If he cares about your feelings, he should agree.

If he won’t, then perhaps he’s not the right man for you.

Talking to a counsellor about your anxiety and past loss would also be helpful. See my support pack on Bereavement.

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