I can’t stay faithful to one woman no matter how gorgeous they are – how can I change?

DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter how gorgeous they are or how much sex we have, I just can’t stay faithful to one woman.

Can I change my ways, or will I end up alone?

I’m 45. My friends and I were all players in our teens and 20s. But they grew up and settled down while I carried on cheating.

There’s a pattern. I’m usually faithful for the first couple of months then I start feeling restless. If I argue with a girlfriend, I’ll send messages to others, almost out of spite.

I keep a few profiles up on dating sites and text other women while I’m at work or bored.

I’ve been sexting a married colleague for years now because we both enjoy the thrill.

Whenever I get caught cheating, I promise to change, but I don’t mean a word of it.

As soon as the dust settles, I’m back on the dating apps. I would love to get married and start a family, but I know nobody will put up with this.

My last relationship was with an amazing woman. She was everything I wanted – bubbly and kind, with a ­sensational figure.

We got on great and all my friends were jealous.

I tried my hardest to stay faithful, even deleting my dating apps and telling my colleague it was over.

But then my girlfriend went away for a weekend and I went down the pub for a couple of drinks. Soon enough, I found myself chatting up a couple of girls.

Within hours, we were having sex at my flat. I accidentally called my girlfriend; she heard everything and dumped me.

How can I change?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Infidelity isn’t just about the thrill of the forbidden. It’s often also a defence mechanism against feeling vulnerable.

You’re able to stay faithful when relationships are new and you haven’t invested much of yourself.

But as soon as you feel a partner is getting closer to knowing the real you, you panic.

At that point, you start messaging other women, hoping to get caught so you can escape.

You’ll never settle down until you get help to fix this. Counselling would help you get to the root of your low self-esteem and your fear of being unlovable.

Once you’ve tackled those issues, you’ll find it easier to commit. Instead of sexting, read my support pack Can’t Be Faithful?

Often, it stems from a childhood experience.

Now that your father has gone, you don’t need to fear his disapproval.

But if he made you feel it was wrong, these guilty feelings will be hard to shake.

They are also mixed in with your grief, so it is no wonder you are confused.

Talking to a bereavement counsellor could help. See my support pack about Bereavement.

My other pack, Cross-Dressing Support explains more about why men do this, and will tell you where to go for more advice.