My sex addiction and uncontrollable rage are going to turn me into a murderer

DEAR DEIDRE: LAST night I bedded a woman I actively dislike as I cannot go a single day without sex.

I have tried to go a few nights without it but when I do, I go crazy. I get mad and angry. Even my mum is afraid of me when I am angry.

2

If I cannot have sex with my girlfriend I have to find someone else. This usually means going to places where women are likely to be by themselves and getting into conversations with them, or going to a pub and waiting to see if there is anyone likely to be chatty.

I have a few drinks with them and then invite them back to my place when I know my girlfriend is unlikely to turn up.

I really do not want to lose my girlfriend but I know I will if I go on like this and she finds out.

We have been together for a year. I am 24 and she is 20. So far she is not aware that I have other girls when she is away because I do everything I can to cover my tracks.

There must be something I can do to get over this habit and be my old self again.

My last relationship finished because my anger was making me violent.

2

When we parted, my ex still had the key to my flat. She let herself in and splattered the walls with anything she could find. She also poured water on the bed and tore down the blinds and curtains.

I think if she had still been there when I got home, I would have killed her. She still harasses me and I do not think I could control my reactions if she and I come face to face one day.

I know that sooner or later my anger will get the better of me and something dreadful will ­happen. I really don’t want to hurt my girlfriend who is the person I love most.

I know I can’t go on like this.

DEIDRE SAYS:  That’s for sure. You’ve been violent before and you fear you’ll be violent again. You’re going to hurt someone badly, perhaps even kill them, if you don’t get help to change your behaviour.

You use sex compulsively as a means of soothing your anger. Now you can’t last a day without sex and your only worry is that your girlfriend will leave you if she should find out.

You don’t spare a thought for the vulnerable women you target for sex. That is abusive behaviour and I’m deeply worried about what you might do if a girl resisted your urge to have sex.

I really hope you’re serious about wanting to change.

See your GP, who may refer you for therapy.

Urgently contact Respect Phoneline, which runs behaviour-change programmes (respect phoneline.org.uk, 0808 802 4040).

My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex can give you further insight, while the National Stalking Helpline will advise you on dealing with your ex-girlfriend’s behaviour (stalking helpline.org, 0808 802 0300).

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