My partner is tall, dark and handsome but the sex is rubbish — so I’ve been cheating with my ex who looks exactly like him
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is 26, tall, dark and handsome, but the sex is so rubbish I am cheating with my ex who knows exactly what I like.
My partner is my best friend. I am 24. He is the most caring guy I have ever known, he treats me like a princess. We have so much fun together. He works in the travel business and he’s always planning really exciting things for us to do.
But our sex life is rubbish. I like to be dominated but I always have to make the first moves with him. I have to initiate sex and then be the one setting the pace and coming up with ideas.
I have told him so many times what I like and we try to spice things up, but he gets nervous and then cannot perform. Even when he is up for it, I am left frustrated because he finishes before me.
I have a high sex drive and want to have sex much more often than we do but I hold off because I don’t want to have to take the lead.
I get so frustrated and moody with him and he knows what to do to change things yet he still never makes a move.
I broke up with my ex a few months before I met my current partner because we are toxic for each other. We used to have the most almighty rows but it was worth it because the making up was spectacular.
We had the most amazing sex life and I got so frustrated with my partner I texted my ex suggesting a drink one day — knowing full well what it would lead to.
I’ve been cheating with my ex for the last month. He is 28. I know I am wrong for what I am doing and I know my partner does not deserve this, but I find it so hard when he’s not satisfying me. I don’t even get turned on thinking about sex with him any longer.
Should I stay or leave? If we separate it will be two years of our lives together ruined all because I want a better sex life.
Topic4today
SO many problems readers send to me stem from their being isolated socially.
My e-leaflet Widening Your Social Scene explains loads of ways and places to make new friends – who can then maybe become something more special.
Email [email protected] for a copy.
DEIDRE SAYS: Passion and lust can be destructive emotions when they are bound up with hurting one another and there is no real love between you.
In order to avoid another toxic relationship you need to understand your sexual appetite for being dominated, which ironically can stem from sexual guilt and inhibition. My e-leaflet Love or Lust? explains more.
Your loving partner must sense your disappointment so no wonder he feels nervous. It may never be his style to dominate you in or out of the bedroom, but truly amazing relationships are built on equality.
If you are willing to go on taking the lead, guiding him to give you pleasure, and telling him often how wonderful he is, he may surprise you. The depth of his love for you can blossom sexually too when he feels like your hero.
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