I’ve found my sexy soulmate and we are having amazing romps — but should I leave my wife?
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE found my soulmate and we are having amazing sex. Everything feels so right though we know how wrong it is – as I’m happily married with kids.
My wife and I are best friends but we very rarely have sex. If I didn’t instigate it, it would happen two or three times a year.
That doesn’t change no matter what I say and I have grown very frustrated about it. She is 34 and I am 36. We have a son of 11 and a little girl aged six.I started getting close to a work colleague who is 29. We have everything in common, loving the same music and sharing the same outlook on life.
We had a heart-to-heart one night by text when we’d both been drinking and she admitted to having deep feelings for me and I said I felt the same. We exchanged glances in the office the next day and knew how we felt.
We met at her home to have an honest conversation which led to us realising we want to be together. Then we had the most incredible sex. We’ve carried on meeting — and having sex — but we have agreed to stop while I decide what I am going to do about my marriage.
My lover doesn’t want to be my bit on the side and I get that.
I want to be with her so much yet it would turn lives upside down. My wife would be devastated as it would come out of nowhere. We barely have a cross word.
My daughter is six and she’s such a daddy’s girl. I’ve hardly spent a night away from her. I would be letting my son down so badly too, I’m his hero.
We’d have to sell the house as my wife couldn’t afford to live there alone so they’d have to move somewhere smaller.
Do I let this girl go and risk regretting it for the rest of my life? If I gave everything up for her, what if it all went wrong? I’ve never felt so confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand the heady passion of enjoying a new partner, but that might not feel so special this time next year let alone in ten years’ time.
And you would be giving up so much and hurting so many people you love. I know you say she is your soulmate, and that is possible, but that is also what the early stages of lust feel like.
You barely know her, in fact.
Tell your colleague you need a serious break to focus on your marriage – say three months. If she really cares, she’ll give you that.
Tell your wife you both need to talk about how things have changed for you. Explain that you miss real intimacy and seriously want this part of your relationship back on track.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
Ask her why she no longer wants sex.
Maybe you need to brush up your skills or help her more with the kids to give her a chance to get in the mood.
My e-leaflets Is It Love Or Lust? and How To Light Her Fire could help
Topic4Today
MORE than 80 per cent of British women experience sexual problems three months after giving birth and nearly two-thirds at six months.
Childbirth is the most common trigger for sex problems but there is plenty of self-help to try and expert help is also available. My e-leaflet Sex Problems After Childbirth explains. Email me at the address below.
Email [email protected] for a copy.
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