My girlfriend and I are only together because I told her I’m terminally ill and I don’t want my secret to ruin us

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having amazing sex with my first proper girlfriend but I know my terrible secret will destroy our relationship.

I am 24 and she is 22. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

4

I met her when I was at a bar with my friends three months ago. They always mock me about my chat-up lines. They are so good at pulling girls and I always feel like such a loser.

After spotting her across the bar, I plucked up the courage to approach her but things didn’t go well. She seemed so confident and interesting — far too good for me.

I thought my life would be too boring to talk about.

After ten minutes of trying to impress her, I was getting desperate. So, as a last-ditch attempt to keep the conversation going, I told her I had a terminal illness and was dying.

4

She reacted sympathetically and with genuine care.

We then talked for the rest of the evening and I walked her home.

We exchanged numbers, though I thought that would be the last time we’d speak, but the next morning I had a text from her wanting to see me again as soon as possible.

We have been together ever since and get on great. We make each other laugh and enjoy similar things.

The sex is amazing too.

4

I hoped that she would just forget about the illness thing and we could continue as though I had never said anything but I have not been able to confess that I’m actually fine.

I am worried I can’t keep up this act for much longer.

What makes it worse is that her mum has actually had cancer and survived it.

I would probably have told her the truth by now if that wasn’t the case.

4

I am stuck between a rock and a   hard place.

I’m terrified of losing her if I tell the truth but I can’t   keep    up  this  charade  for   ever.

DEIDRE SAYS: The truth is bound to come out sooner or later and she may well suspect already.

You know you have got to tell her but I can imagine how hard it is to seize the moment and admit: “By the way, I lied to you about dying.”

Write her an honest letter, telling her you love her and explaining why you felt driven to lie in the first place. Admit your deception stems from low self-esteem and that you feel such a fool.

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Send it with a big bunch of flowers, or take her out for dinner and present it as soon as you’ve ordered. I hope she will understand and forgive you but be prepared for fireworks if she doesn’t.

No one likes being deceived, especially about something so serious.

My e-leaflet on Raising Self-Esteem will help you to build up some positive feelings about yourself, so you won’t feel the need to lie in future.

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