I’m cheating on my diabetic husband who is also an amputee with a lovely man, but I feel so guilty
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DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been meeting a guy for sex in his car while my husband is having physio at the hospital.
My hubby is diabetic and had to have a leg amputated.
He’s got a prosthetic limb and goes for regular physio.
He is 58 and I’m 39.
We got chatting to another couple at the hospital.
The wife had lost her arm in a car crash and needed physio too.
He’s 40 and she is 42.
Her husband and I had fag breaks together and realised we had a lot in common.
I began to look forward to the hospital trips.
I was so good being with someone who seemed interested in me and didn’t just want to talk about my husband’s problems.
I really miss sex with him.
He’s so tired all the time and has erection problems.
He’s only working part-time but he sleeps as soon as he comes in from work.
I got a text one night from the hospital guy.
It said: “I could do with some company right now. Can you get out for a drink?”
I told my husband I was popping out and the other guy picked me up in his car.
He broke down, saying he was stressed from doing everything at home and the kids were driving him crazy.
He added that he loves his wife but they never have sex.
I hugged him and said: “Join the club. I miss sex too.”
He looked at me and kissed me and I responded passionately.
We climbed into the back of his car and it was frenzied.
The sex felt so good. It was wrong but it felt right. I didn’t have any guilt then because we were just filling a need.
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We meet at least once a week now. We’ve had a drink in a pub a few times and then sex but he never takes me out for dinner or anything like that.
Now I worry that he’s just using me. Should I carry on seeing him?
DEIDRE SAYS: This is obviously pricking your conscience or you wouldn’t be asking me.
If you were unwell, would you accept your husband cheating?
Your lover is clearly using you as an outlet for his sexual needs but there seems little genuine friendship between you.
Tell him you must end your affair because losing your marriages and that breaking up your families just for sex in the back of the car isn’t worth it.
Explain to your husband that you miss intimacy.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
Even if he has erection problems, you can be physically close in other ways.
My e-leaflet on Couples Massage explains how a loving, sensual massage can help – it’s a good start, with no pressure and it won’t jeopardise your marriage.
You can find advice and support from Diabetes UK (, 0345 123 2399).
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