My wife doesn’t know her abusive ex-husband put porn videos of her online — should I tell her?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife’s ­­ex-husband threatened to kill her unless she did sexual things with his mates while he filmed them.

I’ve seen the videos and I just can’t get the images out of my head.

3

I love my wife to bits. She knows everything about me.

I have not always been the world’s best boyfriend but she stuck by me and we have been married for two years.

I am 29, she is 30, her ex is 43.

She told me about her ex-husband. He abused her badly.

3

He beat her and made her do these horrible sexual things while he filmed them.

She eventually managed to leave him, moved away and we got together three years later.

When he found out about us he said he would put the films on a porn channel.

She was really worried but I did my best to reassure her and she says she is happier now than ever.

3

Recently a mate told me that he was looking at porn channels and he saw some videos of my wife doing all sorts of sexual things. He described them as hardcore porn.

I did not believe him, so I checked the site and he was right. I told him I had viewed them but that it wasn’t in fact my wife, and I think he accepted that.

I am worried, though, because my wife is a very private person and it will absolutely devastate her if she finds out.

I don’t know whether to tell her or not. If I do, I might lose her. She still has nightmares about her ex. She is going through a hard time anyway because her brother has just been killed in a motorway accident. I love her more than life but I cannot get rid of those pictures in my head. I just want to kill her ex-husband.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s ex-husband broke the law by posting those films so there is a lot to weigh up here.

The chances of your wife discovering those films for herself must be slim but if someone else should find them and feel the need to say something to your wife, it would be better coming from you.

And if she does know, then that frees you two to think about reporting her ex to the police for the crime he has committed.

Popular Dear Deidre problems

first cut

Caught my girl in bed with another man... then he did something I didn't expect

SEX WITH SISTER

I had sex with my sister and now we are having a full-on relationship

HOTEL HELL

My girl's wild step-sister seduced me in toilets and I'm disgusted with myself

Little secret

My brother-in-law is my daughter's real father... and my husband has no idea

It might even help your wife feel better to understand that she was the victim of a criminal.

Whichever way you decide to go, tell your wife you can see the abuse has left deep scars for her and encourage her to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline (, 0808 2000 247) for support.

Put thoughts of killing her ex out of your head. Blot out those images by concentrating on your marriage and being happy together.

Remember: The best revenge is a life lived well.

READ NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I lied to my grown-up daughter about a secret fling I had years ago now I'm worried she'll discover the truth

READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK  Gemma keeps getting expensive gifts from her lover Damien