My dad has been cheating on my mum for ELEVEN years and I can’t ever forgive him
Read Deidre's personal replies to today's problems
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR the past 11 years, my dad’s been cheating on my mum — and I never suspected a thing. I’m so angry and almost ashamed to be his son.
I’m 22 and I work in sales. I wanted to go to uni but my grades weren’t good enough.
My brother is 17 and in his final A-level year. He wants to go to university and is already suffering panic attacks about it.
We don’t want to tell him this horrible news until after his exams. But he must sense that something is not right.
I can’t get my head around this as my dad is a local councillor and makes out he is moral and very strait-laced.
He brought us up to be honest and never let anyone down. What a creep. Maybe I might have accepted his affair if it had only gone on for a matter of weeks.
He’s 56 and I could excuse a short fling on the grounds of a mid-life crisis. But 11 years is half my life. My mother, who is 53, is livid with him.
They had just celebrated their silver wedding. She’s told him to go and he is looking for jobs at the other end of the country. I don’t want to see him again.
Topic of the day
ONLY one in three women reach their first orgasm through intercourse.
Most younger women don’t start climaxing until some time after they’ve started their sex life.
But virtually all women are capable of orgasm.
My Women & Orgasm leaflet explains how to hit the right spots.
Email or message me on my Facebook page.
It turns out he has been giving his lady friend money, when our mum was struggling to pay the bills.
He also spent time with his girlfriend when our poor mum was suffering with breast cancer a few years ago.
Thank goodness she’s now OK. But when she was ill, I was left caring for Mum and for my little brother while Dad was enjoying himself.
The stress badly affected my school work.
If he had been with us, I know I’d be at university now.
I feel like he has ruined my life and I will never forgive what he has done.
I don’t know how to process all this, how to support my mum or how to tell my brother — or when. I keep asking myself why he did it.
Why were we not enough for him?
Popular Dear Deidre problems
DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t think this was in any way your fault or that you, your mum and your brother are not good enough.
This was all about him and I’m betting the reasons go back a long way.
It’s natural to be angry but don’t believe that he’s ruined your life. You can still reach your dreams.
You need a safe place to let out that anger and say how you feel. Get in touch with The Mix (, 0808 808 4994) who are there for under-25s .
It may be better to break the news to your brother soon because he may be imagining something even worse.
Tell his school too, so it can offer him support.
Your dad let you down, there’s no doubt. But you’ve learned resilience and what is important in life.
There are plenty out there who, for all kinds of reasons, messed up their exams but who still have successful, rewarding careers.
For support, see , 0800 100 900.
READ TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My husband is more interested in gaming and sex than being a dad
READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Cherry is disgusted to learn about her parents' sex life
Get in touch with Deidre today
Got a problem? Send an email to [email protected]. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter