Woman horrified after drunkenly ‘pooing herself’ on her boyfriend’s bedroom carpet days before he moves out
AS we're sure all long-term couples will agree, there a few key milestones separate a romantic fling from a full-blown relationship.
Meeting each other's parents, going on your first holiday, saying the L word for the first time, drunkenly soiling yourself on the other person's bedroom floor... oh wait, that's NOT normal.
Unfortunately for one lad, this is the exact scenario he was faced with just days before he moved out of his rented home.
Sharing his horror story on , the panicked university student explained how his girlfriend got a little too carried away on one of her final nights out before graduation.
Describing how he'd picked her up from a bar crawl, the student revealed how his girlfriend of four years was "drunk and pretty upset" after a male friend flirted with her during the night out.
He wrote: "I have seen her upset-drunk a good amount of times in the past so I knew she probably just needs to sleep it off; the chances that she even remembers it in the morning are pretty slim."
However, the lad quickly realised his girlfriend was more drunk than he realised when she couldn't recall if she'd thrown up.
He continued: "At some point, she asked me 'oh man, did I throw up?' to which I say, 'Yeah, you threw up a little bit ago in the toilet.'
"She then apologises and heads to the bathroom in my room and turns on the shower. I get out of bed and try to intercept her because I think a shower is a bad idea for her right now considering how drunk she is."
But it's only when he goes to follow his girlfriend to the bathroom that he realises "what she thought was 'throw up'" was actually "a massive, messy s**t". *shivers*
While I initially thought it was a little humorous, I then realised it was up to f***ing me to clean this poop...
"I am shocked. I have no idea how to handle this," the man continues. "While I initially thought it was a little humorous, I then realised it was up to f***ing me to clean this poop."
After making sure his girlfriend was okay in the shower, the bloke then turned his attention to the TRAIL she had left in the bathroom.
"The smell is starting to hit me. This is 100% poop," he wrote. "I run to the kitchen to grab some grocery store bags, a trash bag and a roll of paper towels."
It's only when he starts cleaning the enormous stain left on his bedroom carpet that the student starts to panic.
"F***. I move out of this place in like four days. My parents will be here as well for graduation tomorrow. F***. There's my girlfriend's poop on the floor."
Almost as if he's progressing through the seven stages of grief (we've already had shock and denial), the bloke then turns to anger.
"How did she get pants-s***ingly drunk? I feel that is extremely irresponsible to do in the first place," he wrote. "I have a little worry for her now. I check her status in the shower and she seems clean enough but definitely completely f***ed up."
After giving her the "crappiest towel" he owned to dry herself down, the bloke added: "I really do not think that the gravity of her deuce has hit her yet."
Desperate to get the stain out of his rented carpet, the student then begins googling effective cleaning methods.
I don't even know what to say to my girlfriend about all this. We joke about poop and farting and things of this nature, so I thought I would react pretty calmly. But it's SO much poop.
But as it's 3:30 in the morning at this point, there's no amount of vinegar and soap that can save him.
He wrote: "I gather up the biggest clumps with the grocery bags like you would a dog poop. Now it's just the stuff down IN the carpet."
Needless to say, the lad decides to wait for the stores to open at 7am to stock up on vinegar and some gloves to deal with the remaining mess.
Then he has to face his next dilemma: does he angrily confront his girlfriend about her, erm, mess or pretend like it never happened?
Turning to the internet for advice, the man wrote: "I don't even know what to say to my girlfriend about all this. We joke about poop and farting and things of this nature, so I thought I would react pretty calmly.
"But guys, it's SO much poop. I am angry at her for doing this to me, though another part of me knows it's not truly her fault since she was so wasted.
"But another part of me is mad that she allowed herself to get this pants-s****ingly drunk and leave me to deal with the consequences. I don't even know how to begin to have this conversation tomorrow morning."
Unsurprisingly, the lad's post racked up thousands of comments from users who argued he was in the wrong to be angry.
One replied: "Dude it's just poop. Ever plan on having a dog? Kids? Diarrhoea? Poop cleans up, the smell does away and so does the stain.
"Your gf didn't 'do this to you'. It was an accident and she was drunk, Your best bet, if you care about her, is to just move on. Yes you can tease her about it later but getting angry is just going to hurt your relationship."
Similarly, another wrote: "This exact situation happened to me a couple years back, though it was her place. Do you know what I did? I cleaned up the s*** and made sure she was alive every few hours in bed, and teased her endlessly about it for the remainder of our relationship.
"Do you ever plan on having kids? The s*** isn't over my friend."
Criticising how the bloke has handled the situation, a third wrote: "1) Do not tell her you went to the internet to ask for advice for something that would embarrass her. 2) Do not have a child anytime soon, and I pray to god you do not have a dog.
"Those two things deal with a lot of s***. 3) Be a f***ing man and deal with it like a man and don't embarrass her and let it be, oh and don't take the advice of having her pay for the damages. That is just a major douche thing to do."
Taking Reddit's feedback on board, the man told his girlfriend exactly what happened after she woke up for an 11 hour sleep.
"As any decent person would be, she was mortified and apologised profusely," he said. "I had kinda gotten over it at this point, so I told her that it wasn't really that big of a deal and to not worry about it."
After she reassured him that she couldn't see (or smell) any signs of her accident on his carpet, the woman then paid her boyfriend back for the cleaning products and the couple "laughed like it would be a funny story in a few years".
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