How Duchess of Cambridge’s three rules helped her find her feet as a mum after struggling like everyone else
KATE Middleton has spoken openly about her “mummy guilt” struggles and the challenge of raising three children under the age of six.
But there is more to the Duchess of Cambridge’s parenting blueprint than recreating her own happy childhood.
The experience of meeting ordinary mothers and children as she researched her early years work has led to changes in the way she herself parents, and has resulted in her own new set of rules.
“People assume that it all comes naturally to Kate, but she has taken the same approach to parenting that she does with everything in life – she works jolly hard,” a source close to the 38-year-old royal tells Fabulous.
“It took her a long time to find her feet as a royal and a mother, but all the research has paid off. At the outset she took a leaf out of Princess Diana’s book. She resolved to talk to as many people as she could, as much as she could, and to build truly open and warm human relationships.
At the end of the day you are raising little human beings, not robots. And because Kate comes from a place of positivity and love, that has shaped the incredibly strong relationships she has with her children. But if anyone thinks it has come easily, they’ve another think coming!”
As Kate revealed on Giovanna Fletcher’s Happy Mum, Happy Baby podcast, her research into the early years sector – which has seen her launch the landmark Five Big Questions survey about the under-fives – has had a big influence on the way she brings up her own children, George, six, Charlotte, four, and 23-month-old Louis.
So what are her new mothering rules? Three things stand out: the importance of great relationships, happy environments and experiences, and enjoying the simple pleasures in life.
“I had an amazing granny who devoted a lot of time to us,” recalled Kate.
“Playing with us, doing arts and crafts and going to the greenhouse to do gardening, and cooking with us. I try and incorporate a lot of the experiences that she gave us at the time into the experiences that I give my children now.”
She also thinks it’s vital to give children a secure environment. “There are also the environments that you spend time in as well: a happy home, a safe environment,” she added.
“As children, we spent a lot of time outside and it’s something I’m really passionate about. I think it’s so great for physical and mental wellbeing and laying those foundations. It’s such a great environment to actually spend time in, building those quality relationships without the distractions of ‘I’ve got to cook’ and ‘I’ve got to do this’. And actually, it’s so simple. I’ve got this one photo of Charlotte smelling a bluebell. It’s moments like that which mean so much to me as a parent.”
And, finally, Kate believes in making time for her children.
'QUALITY MOMENTS'
“It’s the simple things that really make a difference,” she said. “It’s spending quality time with your children. It’s not whether you’ve done every single drop-off and every single pick-up. But actually, it’s those quality moments that you spend with your child where you are properly listening to them, properly understanding what they feel and if things are going wrong, really taking time to think: ‘How, as a mother, am I feeling? Am I actually making the situation worse for my child, because this is bringing up all sorts of things I feel, rather than just focusing on them and how they might be reacting or responding to certain situations?’”
On Giovanna’s podcast, the duchess said that she takes inspiration from her own happy childhood growing up in the Berkshire countryside with her mum Carole, 54, dad Michael, 70, and younger siblings Pippa, 36, and James, 32.
“I had a very happy childhood,” she said. “It was great fun – I’m very lucky. I’ve come from a very strong family – my parents were hugely dedicated to us. I really appreciate now as a parent how much they sacrificed for us. I was very keen on sport – they came to every sports match and they’d be the ones on the sideline shouting, and we’d always have our family holidays together. But I think the things that really resonate with me most are the simple things.
“I see that now with my own children, life now is so busy, so distracting and actually sometimes the simple things like watching a fire on a really rainy day provide such enjoyment.”
Of course, the influence of another key figure cannot be underestimated – that of Kate’s late mother-in-law, Princess Diana, who famously forged her own path when it came to royal parenting.
She refused to leave William in the care of nannies and whisked him off to Australia and New Zealand when he was just nine months old. It was 30 years later that George stole the show when Kate and William took him on his first tour Down Under at the same age.
Diana was the original royal rebel. When it came to parenting, she was determined to be hands-on. At her insistence, William became the first heir to the throne to go to a public nursery. She also took her sons to theme parks (who can forget that iconic photo of them soaked to the skin on a water ride at Thorpe Park?) the cinema and McDonald’s.
“It comes down to a personal philosophy, which she shares completely with William,” adds the source.
I had a very happy childhood. It was great fun - I'm lucky.
Kate Middleton
“They both had so much love in their early childhoods, with mothers who gave them quality time and security. These days people are more time-poor, but it is more important than ever to take the time to bond with your children. Don’t just shove the kids in front of an iPad – bake a cake with them, read books or go for a lovely walk.
“It sounds like something out of an Enid Blyton book, but these simple things are the recipe for good mental health – for parents and children. Kate is passionate about this. William is hugely supportive, but this is something Kate is very much taking the lead on. She wants it to be her legacy.”
Like Diana, Kate and William are not afraid to show affection for their children in public. They lavish them with love – laughing with them and hugging and kissing them on various public engagements. But they are also strict.
Who can forget the duchess telling George and Charlotte to be quiet at her sister Pippa’s wedding in May 2017, or her having stern words with Prince George later?
The couple also insist on good manners and limited screen time. And despite their own busy schedules, they are very much hands-on parents – taking their children to school and being there at teatime whenever possible. However, like every mum, the duchess faces her own struggles.
Asked by Giovanna if she ever feels guilt about not spending enough time with her children, she responded: “Yes, absolutely – and anyone who doesn’t as a mother is actually lying! And you know, even this morning, coming to the nursery visit here, George and Charlotte were like: ‘Mummy, how could you possibly not be dropping us off at school this morning?’
MUMMY GUILT
“It’s a constant challenge – you hear it time and time again from mums, even mums who aren’t necessarily working and aren’t pulled in the directions of having to juggle work life and family life… And always sort of questioning your own decisions and your own judgements and things like that, and I think that starts from the moment you have a baby!”
Like Kate, William has also said he wants their children to experience the country way of life as well as the city way, and the family spend much of their free time outdoors in nature and indulging their love of animals.
The Duke and Duchess have welcomed several pets into their royal household over the years, from Marvin the hamster to English cocker spaniel Lupo in 2012, who was given to them by Kate’s brother James after their wedding and helped to keep Kate company while William was away for weeks in the Falkland Islands.
Lupo, who follows in the footsteps of Kate’s golden retriever Tilly, shares a special relationship with Prince George, who was famously pictured feeding the pup an ice cream on his third birthday.
At a recent Six Nations rugby event in Wales, William revealed that the family had spent half-term lambing in Norfolk.
“We’ve been lambing with the children this week,” William revealed after the staycation. “Charlotte wasn’t sure at first, but George was straight in there. Louis loves the tractors. They love seeing the lambs and feeding the lambs.”
And George, Charlotte and Louis are as sports mad as their parents, who are fiercely competitive when pitted against each other at sporting engagements. Kate is very passionate about the power of sports to inspire, educate and change lives for the better, and she is a keen tennis and hockey player, as well as enjoying sailing. William is president of the Football Association and patron of the Welsh Rugby Union.
They have ensured their passion is passed on to the children. Last October, George was picture jumping for joy as he sat with his mum, dad and sister in the crowd watching Aston Villa beat Norwich City 5-1.
Both George and Charlotte have learned to swim in the Buckingham Palace pool and Kate takes them to the Hurlingham Club for tennis lessons.
Indoors, they enjoy cooking together – with Kate telling Mary Berry on the BBC’s A Berry Royal Christmas that she has so many Mary Berry cook books that one of Prince Louis’ first word was “Mary”.
During a walk of the grounds at RHS Wisley in Surrey, Kate also revealed that she recently made one of Mary’s pizza dough recipes with the kids.
“It worked. They loved it. They absolutely loved it,” she said.
HANDS-ON DAD
William is a hands-on dad, doing bathtimes and reading to his children “all the time”. He recently said that a particular favourite is Julia Donaldson’s Room On The Broom and The Gruffalo.
Friends say that Kate not only wants to be the best mother she can be to her own children, but she also wants to be a positive influence on a wider scale.
“It’s become more important to her than ever since she launched the Heads Together mental health campaign with Wills and Harry,” adds the source.
“The impact they were able to make in such a short space of time blew her away. Suddenly, she was accepted at face value, as someone who cares about people and wants to change the public conversation.
“The natural next step is to take that same approach to helping mothers. Many of Kate’s friends have suffered with postnatal depression – and her own horrendous morning sickness took a huge toll on her – so anything she can do to raise awareness is a big win.
“It has given her a whole new lease of life. Now she is looking at ways to expand the campaign and is in discussions with her team about new ways of engaging with the public about it.”
So what does the Duchess of Cambridge want her legacy for her children to be?
“Someone did ask me the other day: ‘What would you want your children to remember about their childhood?’,” Kate said on Giovanna’s podcast.
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“And I thought that was a really good question, because actually if you really think about that, is it that I’m sitting down trying to do their maths and spelling homework over the weekend? Or is it the fact that we’ve gone out and lit a bonfire and sat around trying to cook sausages that hasn’t worked because it’s too wet?
“That’s what I would want them to remember, those moments with me as a mother, but also the family going to the beach, getting soaking wet, filling our boots full of water. Not a stressful household, where you’re trying to do everything and not really succeeding at one thing.”
In other words, the simple pleasures in life.
