I’m not proud of having two abortions, but I don’t regret them either, says Loose Women star Carol McGiffin
MANY baby boomers will face old age without children to care for them – but so what, says Carol McGiffin.
Nearly one in five women born in the 1960s reached the age of 50 without having children – half the birth rate of their parents – the Office for National Statistics reveals.
They pursued education or careers instead of settling down to have a family – and Carol, 60, says that it’s not something to be ashamed of.
Carol, who married long-term partner Mark Cassidy, 38, in February 2018 and was previously wed to Virgin Radio’s Chris Evans, admitted on Loose Women that she was so against having children she has had TWO abortions.
Carol was 38 when she had the second termination and some viewers criticised her for being selfish.
Here, Carol exclusively reveals why she made her decisions...
As a panellist on Loose Women, you do sometimes have to take the flak.
Especially these days when everyone’s got access to social media and people seem to be getting less tolerant of those who don’t agree or who see the world in a different way.
I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
I can take it because I always believe 100 per cent in what I’m saying, can always back it up and have never apologised — nor been ordered to.
A couple of weeks ago, I came off-air expecting a barrage of negativity and disapproval but I didn’t get it. Quite the opposite, which was a surprise.
The discussion was about falling fertility rates, especially among younger women.
My co-panellists Kaye Adams, Judi Love and Jane Moore talked about their decisions to have children and I, not for the first time, talked about my reasons for not having them.
The main reason was seeing my mum struggle with four kids under six years old, on her own, with no money, after my dad left.
I knew I didn’t ever want that from a very young age.
I always feel that women who choose not to procreate are endlessly having to explain themselves, whereas women who choose to have children don’t.
BRANDED SELFISH
It’s usually no more than a simple “I just knew”, and I wouldn’t dream of questioning that.
But it doesn’t stop them looking at me in a curious way, as if they don’t believe me, or pity me, or because it’s so alien to them they just can’t get their heads around it.
We are also often labelled as selfish because we only have ourselves to look after. But there are plenty of people out there who have kids without thinking enough about it.
But there are also those who have them for reasons that I would consider questionable; to look after them when they’re old, in order to get benefits or a council house, to keep a marriage together, or because they are bored with the life they’ve got and it gives them something else to do.
I’d say those people are a lot more selfish than me.
So, this time it seemed appropriate to emphasise and illustrate my life choice by talking about my two accidental pregnancies and subsequent terminations.
In a way, I felt like I needed to convince people that my decision was conscious and that I was never in any doubt it was the right one.
Little did I know it was a first because up until then, I’d only ever talked about the one I had when I was 28 (not 19 as I accidentally said on the show).
It was only when someone who knew me well questioned me about it that I realised I probably hadn’t.
I had also genuinely forgotten that I didn’t mention it in my autobiography.
Maybe, at the time, I was embarrassed to admit it.
That doesn’t mean I was ashamed of what I did, but an unexplained mishap ten years earlier could be excused, whereas having it happen a second time, well, there was no excuse. No one would believe that I’d been on the Pill both times, which I was.
I didn’t stop taking it until 2003 when my mum died. My libido had vanished and it didn’t return for seven years. Also, the first abortion was with someone I was seeing. My boyfriend not only knew about it but supported me through it.
The second, at the age of 38, was more complicated. It was a one-night stand that took place while I was sort of seeing someone else.
'I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE'
So I didn’t tell anyone; not my employer, not my friends or family, not the guy. I don’t feel bad about that either.
I mean, what would have been the point? His opinion simply didn’t matter to me because I had no intention of allowing myself to be connected to him for the rest of my life by carrying on with the pregnancy and having his baby.
That’s why I kept schtum. But to say I’m not ashamed doesn’t mean I’m proud of what I did either.
I didn’t want to have the terminations for all the obvious reasons. I’m not totally heartless — there were potential lives that had, I suppose, already been created — and I feel for all the women who would have given anything to be in my situation.
But I don’t regret anything because I know absolutely that if I hadn’t done what I did, I’d definitely have regretted it more.
Which made them both very easy decisions to make. I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Having said that, my body was telling me otherwise as both operations (there were no abortion pills back then) were not successful.
They resulted in follow-up dilation and curettage procedures — or D&Cs — where tissue is removed from the uterus. It was all very unpleasant and quite alarming, like my body didn’t want to let go.
Now, my actions don’t occupy my thoughts at all. It’s why I forget the exact dates and details of both terminations.
In fact, only once have I had a conversation about how it might have been if I had made the alternative decision.
It was with a friend I knew at school. She had a termination at 19 so she would have a 41-year-old now. I would have a 22 and a 32-year-old. That just seems ridiculous because I still see myself as nearer those ages.
Perhaps if I had gone down the mum route, I might have aged a little more gracefully, been a bit more mumsie.
Most read in Fabulous
But thank God I didn’t.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
I found Mark, my husband, 12 years ago who, believe it or not also has never wanted to have kids.
As we always say to each other, we were meant to be together.
GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL [email protected]