Trolls said my son’s name is so bad he’d be bullied for life and never get a job – I almost changed it things got so bad
STARING dumbfounded at the comments in front of her, Stacey Flinn wondered if she'd made a terrible parenting decision.
"Your son will never get a job," "you're setting him up to fail", "what an evil thing to do", "you're a really bad parent", the comments read.
The mum-of-one, from Darlington, Co Durham, was astounded people felt so strongly - and it was all about her son's name.
Stacey, now 39, was so upset she considered changing the name on deed poll - until husband Paul, 40, who's in the armed forces, talked her round.
The NHS admin worker tells Fabulous: "My husband's pet name for me was 'Stacey Bear', so when we had our son nine years ago, we decided to call him Bear.
"We'd considered other names, like Arthur which can have the nickname Bear, but didn't find anything we liked as much.
"My family love his name, although they think it's unusual, but we did get a few funny looks.
"Some of our friends questioned it at first, saying 'that's an animal name, why would you do that to him?' and 'he's not going to get a job, they'll throw his CV away'.
"When I returned to work after my maternity leave, I had a few comments from people who weren't my direct colleagues, saying ‘Oh God what an unusual name, aren’t you worried he’ll get bullied at school?’
"It all built up and I started to panic, thinking we'd made the wrong choice."
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Questioning her decision, Stacey looked into changing Bear's name.
She says: "When a child's under one year old, you can change their name by just going to the registry office, you don't have to go through deed poll.
"So I looked into that. I thought about changing his name to Ethan or Logan, because those were on our shortlist, and putting Bear as his middle name.
"He doesn't have a middle name at the moment, so there's no back-up option," she laughs.
Keen to get advice from other parents, Stacey posted on parenting board Mumsnet, which only made matters worse.
A lot of people were saying ‘he’ll never get a job’, ‘you’re setting him up to fail’, ‘what an evil thing to do’ or ‘you’re a really bad parent’
Stacey Flinn
She said: "I asked ‘we’ve named our son Bear, we’re getting these comments, what do people think?’ Some people were like ‘oh it’s just a name, I think it’s really cute’ but social media can be really bad.
"A lot of people were saying ‘he’ll never get a job’, ‘you’re setting him up to fail’, ‘what an evil thing to do’ or ‘you’re a really bad parent’.
"Reading through these comments, I thought ‘oh my God’. I felt really upset.
"But my husband said ‘come off that now, you don’t even know these people, they don’t know you’. It really gets to you, all the trolling.
"It can completely dissolve your world, you think you’re doing the worst thing for your child. When ultimately it is just a name, it doesn’t define him."
Stacey adds: "We love the name Bear. Some people call their child Mercedes and I personally don’t like it, but I wouldn’t look at the child and judge them.
"I think it’s just perceptions, everyone’s got an opinion unfortunately. And everyone’s allowed one, but sometimes they voice them a bit too much."
I felt really upset. It can completely dissolve your world, you think you’re doing the worst thing for your child. When ultimately it is just a name, it doesn’t define him
Stacey Flinn
Stacey was even told her son would become gay due to his name, as the term 'bear' can be used to describe big, burly men with beards in the community.
She adds: "People were saying ‘he’s going to turn out gay because of this group’ and I was like ‘what on Earth? What a comment to make’.
"Not that I'd care if he was gay, but you cannot define your future by a name. It’s so strange how people react to something so small.
"At that point he was only nine months old, he didn't even have a proper personality yet."
Stacey's doubts continued for a long time, and she even looked into changing Bear's name on deed poll when he'd passed one.
She says: "I was really conscious and looked into how much it would cost.
"If someone random asked his name, then misheard me and said ‘oh Ben’, I’d just nod along, which is awful.
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"I wouldn’t correct them because if I’m just passing by, I don’t want to get into a whole conversation of ‘oh, why have you called him Bear?’
"I don’t think about it anymore, but in the early days it made me feel really vulnerable. I was new to being a mum and felt like I’d failed him a little bit.
"Every day, my husband would talk me round, saying ‘Stacey we’re not changing it, it’s his name’.
"And the more we kept calling him it, the more he was that person. I couldn’t imagine him being called anything else now.
"It got to the point where I thought ‘I’m not bothered, I don’t care. People can make comments if they want to’.
"Strangers still say stuff like ‘is it a nickname for Teddy?’ or ‘are you French?’ But I'll reply ‘no, it’s spelt B-e-a-r as in Build-A-Bear."
Since Cheryl and Liam Payne named their son Bear four years ago, Stacey has noticed a subtle shift.
She says: "Suddenly it became 'oh, you named him after Cheryl Cole' and now I have to say 'no, I named him BEFORE Cheryl actually'.
"It's still not a common name, but it's become more socially acceptable. No-one really bats an eyelid now.
"I do get the odd comment, people will say 'oh, cute name. Will it still be cute at 18 though?' but I just say 'yeah, I think it will'.
I would pretend his name was Ben and nod along, because I didn't want to get into the whole conversation
Stacey Flinn
"As far as I'm aware, he's never been picked on for his name. And Bear enjoys that his name's a bit different. He plays on it, saying 'I'm a Bear, rah rah rah'.
"Had he been bullied, I would've been in turmoil and still considering changing his name, because I wouldn't want to put him through that. But it's been totally fine and there have been no issues at school.
"A name doesn’t define a person, so if you want to call your child Tree or Apple or anything then go ahead, as long as it makes you happy.
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"Especially if it means something to you. As much as it sounds silly, Bear means something to me and my husband, it wasn’t something random. And it's still a proper name, it was just something considered a bit different at the time."
We recently spoke to a woman who's dad said her son would be bullied when she shared his name and has had people burst out laughing.