What it means when you dream about your ex even if you’ve moved on, according to experts
WAKING up from a dream about your ex can be highly uncomfortable – especially if you’re in a different happy and committed relationship.
But according to two experts, dreaming about an ex is a completely normal occurrence and shouldn’t be a reason to sound off any alarms right away.
, a residential dating and relationship psychologist for , told The Sun that while dreams about exes “can vary drastically,” they often show us how we feel about that person.
“When you're in a committed relationship, it's normal to dream about your ex.
“You may be wondering what it means and whether or not you should be worried,” he said.
“In most cases, dreaming about an ex is simply a way of working through the unresolved issues we still have with them,” he continued.
“Dreams can give us insights into our subconscious minds and what might be going on.”
While he cautioned that it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why an ex is appearing in your dreams because dreams are so symbolic, he stated they usually fall into two categories.
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First, he said there’s a possibility you’re not over the relationship.
Secondly, you just might not be happy with the way things ended.
The latter is the case for one of clients.
Loewenberg, a professional dream analyst and author of Dream on It, Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, said one of her patients has a recurring dream about her ex who broke up with her on prom night 25 years ago.
The woman, who has completely moved on with her life and is happily married with kids, isn’t hanging onto the relationship but is subconsciously worried about the deep rejection she felt that night.
“All these years later, [the ex] no longer represents himself in the dream but instead, represents rejection and disappointment,” she told The Sun.
“Being broken up with on prom night, and having no idea it was coming was a shock to the system.
“When we first experience something so damaging to the ego, whoever inflicts the damage forever becomes the face of that feeling anytime we experience it again in real life,” she explained.
Dr. Anderson recommended using the dreams as a chance to look back on the past relationship and determine the role it plays in your life today.
“Take this as an opportunity to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship and what you can learn from it,” he suggested.
“Make sure to keep in touch with your support network so that you don’t dwell on the past too much.
“Then start to focus on yourself. Moving forward is key!”
IT'S POSSIBLE TO MOVE ON, BUT STILL CARE
Fun fact: According to Loewenberg, the ex you dream most about is your “first love.”
And even if you’ve moved on from them and are happy with someone else, that doesn’t mean you can’t still care for them or cherish what you had together.
“When you dream of an ex, such as your first love … and the dreams are pleasant and you are back together – even though in real life you are in a successful relationship or just happy on your own – it is usually because there is something from that relationship or something about that person that feels similar to something in your current life or that you desire for your current life,” Loewenberg explained.
Desiring something similar to what you felt with your ex may result in a dream in which you’re on the verge of getting back together with your ex, she noted.
Loewenberg added: “It's not necessarily the ex but more likely the excitement and passion of first love: feeling desired by somebody, not being able to get enough of each other, etc.”
And if you are in a happy relationship, it might just mean your subconscious is getting a bit bored and is seeking some thrill.
“Even the happiest of relationships can become routine,” she said.
In better news, she said it could also just mean you’re feeling the same happiness you did in your previous relationship in your current one.
YOU MAY ALWAYS BE HAUNTED BY YOUR EX
You’re happy and completely over your ex.
So why does your mind want to keep reminding you of him or her?
It’s likely because your subconscious is trying to prepare you for similar situations.
Loewenberg compared the mind to a warehouse full of tips, tricks, and life advice.
“When our current life needs to remember a lesson from the past or when our current life is beginning to follow a pattern from the past, the subconscious will reach into that warehouse and present to us something or someone from our past that has relevance to our present so we can make better decisions for our future,” she explained.
If being haunted by your ex is making you feel uneasy, though, Loewenberg said you can take the opportunity to ask yourself a series of questions to dig into the deeper meaning behind your recurring dreams.
“What do you remember most about that particular ex?
“Is that something you need to avoid or require in a current or future partner?” she recommended asking.
“What do you remember most about that relationship?
“Is anything going on now that seems similar to that?
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing and what should you do about it?”
She also suggested asking how you felt with your ex and determining if that’s something you want to feel again.
Similarly, she requested you reflect on who you were in the relationship in question and decide if that’s a piece of your personality you desire more of or want to get away from.
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In the long run, Dr. Anderson said it’s vital to “remember that dreams aren't always literal interpretations of what you want or what you feel.”
So instead of getting upset that you’re dreaming about your ex, use it as an educational experience to learn more about yourself and your romantic needs – you might be surprised what you discover.
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