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'HAD TO BREAK FREE'

Princess Diana would back Harry’s decision to ‘break free’ from royal family and raise kids in America, expert claims

It’s almost unbelievable that Diana died 25 years ago.

Perhaps that’s because we can all remember exactly where we were when we found out that she had been killed in a car crash in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel in Paris, aged just 36. 

A quarter of a century on from her death, Diana's influence is all around us
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A quarter of a century on from her death, Diana's influence is all around usCredit: Getty
When she married Prince Charles in July 1981, aged 20, she was naive and unsophisticated
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When she married Prince Charles in July 1981, aged 20, she was naive and unsophisticated
Diana certainly never set out to harm the monarchy – she knew it was William’s future and always made that clear
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Diana certainly never set out to harm the monarchy – she knew it was William’s future and always made that clear

But I suspect that it also has a lot to do with the fact that a quarter of a century later, her influence is all around us – and nowhere more evident than in the royal family

I first met Diana in the early ’80s on a royal tour, soon after I began editing Majesty magazine, but I didn’t get to know her properly until shortly before she died. We had a mutual friend in Raine Spencer, her stepmother.

Diana was so many things to so many people. While she took her work seriously because it was important to her, she never took herself too seriously, despite her insecurities.

The light Diana focused on the monarchy was not always flattering. Compared to her, other members of The Firm appeared plainer, duller and lacking in compassion.

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But she certainly never set out to harm the monarchy – she knew it was William’s future and always made that clear. 

Instead, much of the change she effected was completely natural to her. Putting her arms around people and holding their hands was part of who she was.

She modernised the monarchy without knowing she was doing it. Even she would be amazed to see how much she changed things.

When, as Lady Diana Spencer, she married Prince Charles in July 1981, aged 20, she was naive and unsophisticated.

She had gone from a teenager living in obscurity to a world-famous princess – a transformation of breathtaking speed.

But what was most remarkable was not that fairy-tale evolution, it was the fact that, out of nowhere, the UK now had a caring, empathetic princess. 

Dr Jane Collins recalls when she took the princess around Great Ormond Street Hospital in the late ’80s.

“The minute she arrived on the ward and was with the children and their families, she became totally relaxed, sitting on the edge of the beds and treating each child she met and his or her parents as if they were the only people in the world she wanted to talk to,” she says.

“Our abiding memory of Diana is a warm, compassionate princess with a deep affection for babies and children, comfortable with people from every background, of every nationality and in whatever circumstances they met.”

With these attributes, it was inconceivable she wouldn’t change the royal family, whether she had any intention of doing so or not.

It was her vulnerability that made people relate to her more than her beauty and success. Her unhappiness within her marriage – and within herself – resonated with so many women all over the world. 

She understood how it felt to be misunderstood. And she knew what it was like to wait up for an errant husband, wondering where he was and who he was with.

She also knew what it was like to have so much inner pain, there wasn’t a therapy she hadn’t tried. 

Diana led an utterly privileged life, but women from the slums of Glasgow and the homesteads of rural Africa to the penthouses of New York related to her in a way they had never connected to a member of the royal family before.

The minute she arrived on the ward and was with the children and their families, she became totally relaxed, sitting on the edge of the beds and treating each child she met and his or her parents as if they were the only people in the world she wanted to talk to.

Dr Jane Collins

And she showed her sons the importance of involving themselves with ordinary people – and both went on to marry women from different backgrounds to theirs. 

From the outset, when it came to her sons, Diana did things incredibly differently from the generation before. She knew she wanted to bring them up herself, rather than have them looked after by a team of nannies, as Charles had been.

Those nannies made sure Charles was number one and showered love and attention on him, but he lacked love from the Queen, who had been affectionate but distant.

Diana complained later that the only greeting Charles knew was to shake hands. She was exaggerating, but she was determined not to repeat what she saw as the mistakes that were made during Charles’ childhood.

This was not at all the way that things had been done, and it caused ripples in royal circles. But because Diana was stubborn by nature, she never listened to any advice on how to live her royal life.

She wanted to do it her way – and she did. She laid out her parental agenda soon after William’s birth, when she said: 

“A child’s stability arises mainly from the affection received from its parents and there is no substitute for affection.”

Diana adored her sons and did everything in her power to bring joy to their lives.

From inviting three supermodels over to the palace to surprise William on his 13th birthday, to reportedly aligning her work schedule with that of her sons as far as possible, she lived for her boys.

And as Harry recalled in the 2017 ITV documentary Diana, Our Mother: Her Life And Legacy, she never held back on showing them how much they meant to her.

A child’s stability arises mainly from the affection received from its parents and there is no substitute for affection.

Princess Diana

“She would just engulf you and squeeze you as tight as possible and being as short as I was then, there was no escape – you were there for as long as she wanted to hold you. Even talking about it now, I can feel the hugs that she used to give us.”

By doing this, she changed everything and, in one generation, utterly transformed the monarchy.

Diana would have been saddened to think her “darling boys” were not on speaking terms, but she might also have been wise enough to understand that Harry needed his independence from the royal family – as indeed she did, too – and that perhaps he had to break free from The Firm in order to raise his children the way he wanted to.

As for William, she would have been impressed that he has managed to create the family she had wanted so badly herself – with a loving partner and seemingly well-adjusted and happy children, who up until now have lived a life largely away from the public gaze.

William’s insistence on not sending his children to boarding school was influenced by Diana, who was miserable when her boys were away at school, but it was simply the done thing.

Diana ensured that her children appreciated the importance of love, and though she was unable to give them a united family, she made them understand how important one was.

She never wanted to get divorced. When the Queen sent her a letter saying the time had come for her and Charles to do so, as it was too damaging to themselves, their children and the monarchy for their marriage to carry on, Diana was devastated.

She and Charles had reached a stage where they were hardly talking, but the command from the Queen still came as a shock to them both.

Diana told me that on the day of the divorce, they sat together on the sofa and cried. 

She also ensured her sons understood the importance of empathy and compassion.

She would just engulf you and squeeze you as tight as possible and being as short as I was then, there was no escape – you were there for as long as she wanted to hold you.

Prince Harry

While Prince Andrew, for example, is seen as having a sense of entitlement and arrogance, this is alien to William.

Instead, alongside his official royal duties, he has embraced those who are in need and misunderstood, just as his mother did before him.

William has slept on the streets as patron of homeless charity Centrepoint to draw attention to the plight of teens who have nowhere to go.

He’s learned to understand and help minorities, and embraced people from different sexualities.

Instead of criticising, he tries to understand wildly differing points of view – and he has both his mother and father to thank for that.  

Meanwhile, Harry’s decision to leave The Firm was likely influenced by his mother, as well as Meghan, as Diana often talked about going to live in America.

When I saw Diana shortly before her death in July 1997, she admitted that the year of her divorce was the lowest point in her life.

It made her want to uproot and start again. She wanted to live in her own property in her own name and not a palace belonging to her mother-in-law.

She’d had enough of Britain. The royal family were putting obstacles in her way – or so she felt. Yes, their lives were very different, but it seems Harry may have shared many of Diana’s frustrations before he left the UK.

Both brothers have bravely left behind the old royal approach of “never complain, never explain” by speaking out about their own mental health and the importance of sharing how we’re feeling – with a genuine desire to make a change. 

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Helping others was a completely authentic calling in Diana’s short life, too. If she has a single legacy of how she wanted to be remembered, it would be that. 

  • Ingrid Seward is the author of books including The Queen & Di, Diana: The Last Word and William & Harry. 
Diana's unhappiness within her marriage – and within herself – resonated with so many women all over the world
9
Diana's unhappiness within her marriage – and within herself – resonated with so many women all over the world
She was miserable when her boys were away at school
9
She was miserable when her boys were away at school
Diana would have been impressed that William has managed to create the family she had wanted so badly herself
9
Diana would have been impressed that William has managed to create the family she had wanted so badly herself
Helping others was a completely authentic calling in Diana’s short life
9
Helping others was a completely authentic calling in Diana’s short life
Dr Jane Collins of Great Ormond Street Hospital said: 'Our abiding memory of Diana is a warm, compassionate princess with a deep affection for babies and children'
9
Dr Jane Collins of Great Ormond Street Hospital said: 'Our abiding memory of Diana is a warm, compassionate princess with a deep affection for babies and children'
Both brothers have bravely left behind the old royal approach of 'never complain, never explain'
9
Both brothers have bravely left behind the old royal approach of 'never complain, never explain'
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