I’m a parenting expert – the signs YOUR child is the back-to-school bully and the key to changing their behavior
THE end of the summer means back to school for children across the country.
And it's only natural that parents worry about their little ones as they reach this milestone.
Experts often discuss how to tell if your child is a victim of bullying, but what should you do if they are the bully?
Child psychiatrist Dr Zabina Bhasin, 44, spoke to the US Sun about the identifiers that may indicate your child as a bully and how to resolve the issue.
Before she discussed the signs and preventative measures, Dr Zee discussed the potential reasons behind why your child is acting out.
"Once a child is about three to five years old, they start noticing what their parents do or what their friends do, what books they read, and what colors they see. So they start mimicking what their parents say," she explained.
The expert detailed how important it is to avoid negative or prejudicial behavior in front of your children, even if it is "just a joke."
Dr Zee continued: "Now we’ve created this disruptive issue within this child’s life where they think 'I could make fun of someone for being disabled, being black or brown, being different.'"
Dr Zee gave another example of children adapting to their surroundings as they grow.
"Kids can learn from their older siblings too. They see things [through] their older siblings or their older sibling [might have] some sort of issue going on," she said.
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The parenting expert explained that by mimicking the behavior of someone troubled, a pattern of bullying can be created.
Expanding on this point, the child psychiatrist said: "We tend to say that maybe this person was being nasty to that child, so that child is now being nasty to somebody else."
Dr Zee advised parents to look out for this pattern of behavior, and refrain from excusing inappropriate comments or actions by claiming it was a joke.
She also touched on psychiatric issues including abuse and mental trauma.
She recommended working with a child psychologist or another healthcare professional to tackle these concerns.
Dr Zee emphasized that psychiatric issues are the least common causes of bullying, and it is more likely your child is doing it to either fit in or because they themselves have been bullied.
The expert said the point she most often makes to parents is: Your child is not an angel.
"No child has ever not made fun of someone. Whether it’s to fit in, whether it’s to feel good, whether it’s to just be funny," she said.
"You have to accept that they’re not a terror but there’s something that we need to teach them," Dr Zee advised.
She recommends practicing compassion when disciplining your child.
"You have to look out for signs like when the teacher complains to you, or the principal complains to you, you have to really sit down and address this," Dr Zee said.
"Ask them 'What’s going on? What happened?'" she added.
Dr Zee, who is a child of Indian immigrants, drew on her own experience of being bullied when discussing how to tackle this problem.
"When you hear comments that they’re saying at home like 'I met this kid, and they had smelly food and it wasn’t good,' let’s address this," she said.
She explained: "That could turn into those jokes and memes and those making fun of pieces. [Just] be like 'That’s not really weird.'"
Dr Zee's main points when parenting your child are to just listen and communicate.
The mother-of-two discussed the importance of intervening when you recognize bullying behavior in your child.
"It is stated within psychology, once a pattern is created, you have to get help to stop the pattern from continuing, in any aspect whether we’re talking about physical or emotional abuse," she said.
Dr Zee also emphasized: "No parent is a failure. Parents have to look at themselves as work in progress, like everything else is."
She continued: "I always recommend if a parent is going through something, that even talking to the school psychologist, just as your child needs to, or a therapist or talking to a friend is helpful."
Dr Zee lives in the San Fernando Valley with her husband and two kids, seven-year-old Imara Kaur Ahuja and five-year-old Zane Singh Ahuja.
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The child expert said her daughter's friendship with a child of non-Indian heritage inspired her to create her company , which promotes inclusivity through toys.
She said: "We believe in the power of play as an essential part of a child’s development, and that’s why we reimagined toys, books, and more using culturally specific and lovingly curated kids-focused products."