I’m a child psychologist – 6 ways Mr Men books can coax your kids out of crippling shyness & banish angry outbursts
MOST of us have grown up with and loved the Mr. Men and Little Miss books.
But we probably didn’t give too much thought to the messages behind the antics of Mr Bump, Mr. Messy and Little Miss Sunshine and Co.
Now, a new collection of tales called Discover You has been added to the much-loved series to build children’s confidence.
With titles including Try Again, Be Kind and Worries, the characters we’ve adored for decades are now helping children learn how to deal with a range of different emotions.
As child psychologist Dr Elizabeth Kilbey explains, that’s great news if a little one in your life is struggling with their developing feelings.
Dr Kilbey says: “I am so passionate about the Mr. Men, as they do something unique in taking complicated ideas and presenting them in a way that is understandable for children.
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“These emotional characters show how we can have a good relationship with our feelings, which in turn builds confidence.”
Here, Dr Kilbey explains how, with the aid of the Mr. Men and Little Miss characters, you can boost your child’s confidence and help them understand their emotions.
- The Mr. Men Little Miss Discover You series, including Feeling Sad and Find Calm, are published by Farshore and available now at RRP £4.99.
GET PRIORITIES IN ORDER
LITTLE Miss Busy takes on too much, and this means she sometimes feels overwhelmed and struggles to be calm.
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Dr Kilbey explains: “The idea of taking on too much is one most adults can understand.
“But children might not realise they too are doing the same and are becoming overwhelmed.
“To stop your child becoming stressed out and losing confidence in their abilities at school or in their hobbies, talk them through what they have on their plate at the moment. Is it too much?
“Once you have done this, you can make a decision about what is most important and what needs to be done first.
“This is teaching your children the skill of prioritisation.
“Self-confidence grows as they learn how to spread their mental load and not take on more than they can handle.”
ROLE PLAY MEETING NEW PEOPLE
LITTLE Miss Shy can find meeting new people hard – she becomes frightened by the thought of having to interact socially and nervous about doing things she hasn’t done before.
Dr Kilbey says: “If your child is shy, that is OK. This is not a problem, but if the shyness is stopping them from doing something that they want to, then it is.
“The most important thing to do is notice when the shy feeling starts, where they were and what they were doing.
“Can you and your little one begin to spot a pattern of when it is happening?
“You will get clues of when they are most bashful – maybe when they are in big groups or when they are meeting people for the first time?
“Once you discover the problem area, you can do role play – or acting – to rehearse how it will go next time they are in that situation.
“Practising things before they happen will give children confidence in how to deal with worrisome situations in the future.”
TACKLE PROBLEMS HEAD ON
MR. Bump is famous for being clumsy and having accidents, but he’s also a great example of how children can dust themselves off and carry on, despite any setbacks.
Dr Kilbey explains: “Children go through periods in their lives where they feel they are bumping up against things that are difficult.
“These things could be exam struggles or problems with friends.
“Asking your child if they have any problems means that you can discover when they are experiencing a bumpy time.
“And you can then explain to them kindly that confidence in yourself comes from an ability to persevere through these problems and ultimately believe in yourself.”
DON’T LET THOSE STRESSES SPIRAL
MR. WORRY can overthink things and become very anxious about parts of his life.
Dr Kilbey explains: “It’s OK for your child to worry about things, but it is not OK for them to do this too much.
“Lots of children do what is called catastrophising, which is thinking about something and then really escalating it.
“A worry about your dog getting poorly could turn into anxiety about their death, for example.
“Noticing that this is what your child is doing and explaining it to them can really help them work their way back to the start of the worry, before it becomes unmanageably huge.
“Something that can be helpful is the metaphor of a train leaving the station being the first worry.
“By catastrophising, this train is stopping along the track, picking up bigger worries.
“Explain that they do not need to let the train go down this track, as focusing on things that might not happen will not help their happiness and confidence.
“Instead, get them to concentrate on what is happening in the here and now.”
ACKNOWLEDGE ANGRY FEELINGS
MR. MEAN sometimes finds it hard to be nice to others, but eventually learns how good it can feel to be kind.
Dr Kilbey explains: “Everyone sometimes has a bit of Mr. Mean in them.
“Qualities of meanness and rudeness are considered to be negatives, so we tend to not talk about it very much.
“But it is important that you can talk about Mr. Mean’s cross feelings, because when children are feeling angry, it makes broaching their anger easier.
“Then, once angry feelings are acknowledged, you can talk about strategies that can stop them arising in the future.”
ENCOURAGE SELF-ACCEPTANCE
LITTLE Miss Tiny wishes she was taller and doesn’t appreciate that differences can be the things that makes us special.
Dr Kilbey explains: “Appreciating differences about ourselves leads to growing confidence, something that is summed up by Little Miss Tiny’s journey in accepting herself.
“Children often struggle with things about themselves they cannot change.
“As a parent, you can help by talking to them and making them understand that they should instead focus their attention on things they actually can change.
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“This way, they will begin to feel OK about the things they cannot change.
“This acceptance will eventually lead to a child having strong inner confidence.”