I’m 34 and a married mum but my parents still give me an allowance – it’s embarrassing but it’s the only way we survive
WHEN Lucy Johnstone could no longer afford to pay the bills due to the rising cost of living, it was her mum who stepped in.
Alexandra Conroy Harris, 56, has handed her daughter a £1,200 monthly allowance since November and does not expect her to pay a penny of it back.
Copywriter Lucy, 34, and husband Matthew, 36, welcomed their daughter Heather in April last year and feared they would struggle to make ends meet.
Lucy says: “The price of our daily life has gone up so much and finding the money to cover everything has been impossible.
“Mum knew we were really worried as we had talked about rising bills.”
With Lucy’s £156.66-a-week maternity allowance due to end in November, the couple faced relying solely on videographer Matthew’s salary.
READ MORE ON COST OF LIVING
But Alexandra insisted on helping them out financially, and she is not alone.
New research has revealed that one in five over-65s are handing out money from the Bank of Gran and Grandad as a consequence of the cost-of-living crisis.
Lucy says: “I know some people will think we’re really spoiled and I know we’re incredibly lucky, but what Mum gives us isn’t a luxury.
“We’re not using it to go on holiday or buy expensive clothes or have beauty treatments.
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“We’re doing it to pay for food and bills and to keep our house.”
Lucy had considered returning to work in November to avoid relying on money from her mum and stepdad, Michael, 57, who are both lawyers.
But she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Heather while she was still young.
Lucy says: “I had planned to take as long as I could off with Heather and I told my mum I felt I was being forced to go back to work.
“She said she wanted to help so I could have more time with Heather. I knew I wouldn’t get those first months back.
“The day after, she called to say she had been thinking about our situation and she wanted to help out. I felt so grateful, but also really embarrassed that I was in my thirties and still getting handouts.
“She offered to give us money every month with no pressure to pay anything back.
“It’s so frustrating that me and Matthew aren’t able to stand on our own two feet when we both work hard.”
Until Alexandra offered to help, Lucy says the biggest worry was how she and Matthew would heat their house in Otley, West Yorks, especially with a new baby.
At the beginning of 2022, their gas and electric bill combined cost £190 a month but for December to January 2023 combined, it came to £535.
She says: “Before mum offered to help out, we dreaded putting the heating on but we have Heather to think about.
“The cost of food keeps escalating too and our weekly bill has gone from £75 to £110. And petrol is expensive as well. Everything stacks up.”
Before she went on maternity leave in March, Lucy worked full-time, earning a good wage.
She even managed to put some money aside to help while she was on maternity leave but it was not enough.
She says: “With my maternity allowance ending and because we had burned through what savings we had quicker than expected, we were going to be £900 short every month on our bills and other living costs.
“I had received 90 per cent of my wage for the first six weeks of maternity leave but that quickly went. Then I dropped down to the statutory amount.
“I used it to pay for baby classes for Heather, some food, petrol and any small social activities I wanted to do, like a coffee with friends who were mums.
“It wasn’t a lot but I managed. As a new mum you can’t stay in the house for ever, it’s not good for Heather, or me.”
When Lucy returns to work four days a week later this month, Heather will be cared for by Matthew’s retired mum Jacqui, 67, for two of them.
Truly spoiled
She will spend the other two days at a nursery, costing £500 a month, which will be paid for by Alexandra.
Lucy says: “As well as the nursery fees, mum says she is also happy to continue giving us £500 a month towards our other bills because even with my wage factored in, we will struggle.
“I couldn’t go back to work full-time if I wanted to. Even with the extra help from mum, childcare is so expensive.”
This isn’t the first time Lucy’s mum has come to their rescue.
Early last year, she gifted the couple £16,000 for a deposit towards their first house.
But Alexandra does not begrudge paying out and has been planning it for years.
Lucy says: “My mum had been saving up to help me buy my first house and we would never have been able to get on the property ladder if she hadn’t. Matthew’s mum also contributed. We were extremely fortunate.”
Alexandra and Michael regularly look after Heather, their only grandchild, on weekends and send gifts and necessities.
Lucy says: “My mum and Michael have looked after Heather for a weekend each month since she was only a few months old.
“It gives me and Matthew time to catch up on our sleep and chores. Sometimes, we even socialise.
“They send clothes for Heather too. She is well and truly spoiled.”
While Lucy says she knows how lucky she is to have a financial safety blanket, she would much sooner her mum spent her money on herself.
She says: “We are so fortunate that we can call on family to help but I also feel like my parents deserve to enjoy their money.
“I don’t want to think they’re missing out on holidays or trips because of me.
“We can’t see a time when we will be able to pay the money back but my mum has said there is no pressure at all.
“We’re going to keep an eye on our finances each month and if anything changes and we can manage without it, we’ll stop the money my mum gives us.
“I know there are people out there who can’t pay their increased bills, can’t pay for their shopping any more and can’t afford the nursery fees but don’t have the safety blanket of thousands of pounds a year from family like we do. We are very lucky.”
Alexandra says: “It was obvious that Lucy and Matthew needed financial help and I could see how difficult things were for them.
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“Family patterns are changing, and we aren’t able to offer the practical support that we had from our parents, who were retired or didn’t work.
“We feel lucky that we are able to offer them financial support instead.”