I’m a divorce lawyer – the 11 parenting problems that lead to break-ups and how to nip them in the bud, now
THE summer holidays should be about sun-soaked getaways, BBQs in the back garden, or simply ice cream with the kids in the park.
But for many parents, the reality is very different — because while school might be out for summer, stress is often high on the agenda.
Juggling work with childcare, cries of “I’m bored!” echoing around the house and the unpredictable British weather means summer holidays can make relationships fizzle, rather than sizzle.
Then there’s the cost, with a recent report suggesting families spend £200 more than usual over the six-week break.
Unsurprisingly, all this extra pressure can lead to bust-ups between parents.
Separations spike at the end of the summer, according to Caroline Korah, a partner at divorce law firm Vardags.
She reveals: “More parents come to us for advice after the school holidays.”
Common gripes include “arguments due to spending more time together, disputes over parenting styles and an unequal division of looking after the children.”
Here, we pinpoint the key summer family problems and reveal how you can smooth them over . . .
Sharing’s caring
IF one parent feels the other isn’t pulling their weight, things can kick off.
Solution: Don’t wait for things to reach crisis point.
Plan how many days each of you can take off work, what money’s available for holiday clubs or other childcare, and what outside help you can get, such as from grandparents.
Squabbling over screen time
IT’S hard enough making sure children aren’t constantly glued to screens, but even trickier when you and your partner don’t agree on how much is too much.
Solution: Don’t tackle this in the heat of the moment or in front of your child.
Discuss it when you’re both calm and see if you can meet in the middle.
Could the stricter parent agree to ease time limits a little if the kids have been active outdoors earlier in the day?
Create a grab box of toys, games and crafting materials so kids don’t head straight to screens when boredom strikes.
Swiping instead of parenting
YOUR partner is meant to be looking after the kids, but they’re constantly swiping and tapping their phone, leaving the children to their own devices — literally.
Solution: Don’t make your partner feel attacked or they might double down.
Acknowledge that they like their tech and might need to check work emails, but explain that it sets a bad example for your kids’ screen use.
Agree on boundaries, such as checking socials at specific times.
Tricky joint holidays
IT seemed like a good idea when you booked it, but a whole week with the in-laws or your partner’s annoying best mate can lead to a toxic time.
Solution: Talk calmly with your partner about how their relative or friend’s behaviour makes you feel and any worries you have about joint trips.
No improvement? Find some space alone, or just with your partner and kids, and when you do have to be with the others, take deep breaths, smile and try to hold your irritation in.
Spending more time than normal together . . .
HOLIDAYS can expose problems that were masked by everyday routine. Perhaps you were even avoiding time together.
Solution: Take a break from each other when you can. If things get fraught, one of you could take the kids in the morning and the other in the afternoons.
And hold off disputes until they’re in bed. You want the trip to be memorable for the right reasons, not because mum and dad fought all fortnight.
. . . or not getting enough time together
IF you have a great relationship, all this family togetherness could mean you’re not getting enough alone time together, making you gripey and irritable.
Solution: Grab any moments when the kids are out, or busy.
You don’t need to go out for date — how about a special meal or movie once the kids are in bed?
Clashing over routines
THERE can be conflict if one of you thinks your little ones’ meal, bath and bed times can be relaxed or abandoned when it isn’t term time.
Solution: Pick your battles. Young children need to be well rested to cut down on grouchiness, but on holiday the odd late night shouldn’t be troublesome.
Spats and safety
ONE of you believes it’s fine for the kids to go to the park with their mates — or stay home alone — but the other doesn’t.
Solution: If you’re the cautious parent, explain your worries calmly, focusing on rational information.
But also challenge yourself about how you could let go a little.
Summer can be an opportunity to allow kids more independence.
The first time your child goes to the park with their friends, could one of you sit in the café, for instance?
Battling over junk food
LEFT to their own devices, most kids would mainline junk food.
During the holidays, when snacks are in easy reach, this can be a flashpoint between parents.
Solution: If you know you tend to disagree on healthy eating, look for compromises and set some ground rules — for example, one ice cream per day — so one parent isn’t always the bad cop.
Bust-ups over budgets
FROM childcare to entertainment, the holidays can punish your purse.
If you have different approaches to spending, summer can be stressful.
Solution: Create a budget for holiday extras and find swaps for the costly activities.
Ditch the pricey theme park trip for a day at the beach with a picnic, or trade the cinema for a movie night at home.
Neglecting your sex life
YOU’RE wiped out after a day of being asked a million questions, or perhaps sharing a hotel room with the kids means you’ve no privacy to get intimate.
Solution: Ask your partner to bath the kids so you can wind down.
By creating a grown-up space, you might feel more in the mood once the kids are in bed.
Struggling to get privacy
BETWEEN kids’ later bed times and the fact that on holiday you might all be sharing a hotel room, it can be hard for a couple to find the privacy to get intimate.
Solution: Where there’s a will, there’s almost always a way.
Once you’re sure that the little ones are fast asleep, run a bath and get in together, or get super-saucy al fresco on the balcony (safely!).