I was a slimming coach – from secret trips to chippy to a woman with bizarre request, what it’s REALLY like
NOUGHTIES TV series Fat Friends is being made into a movie, with original stars James Corden and Ruth Jones rumoured to be reprising their roles.
The comedy followed the trials and tribulations of a Leeds-based slimming group.
According to one real-life weight-loss coach, whose identity we are keeping secret, the antics of the Fat Friends were remarkably true to life.
Our insider says: “My first brush with the world of slimming clubs came a decade ago, when I had four stone to shift.
“I enjoyed the experience so much I went to work for one a few months later.”
But, like on Fat Friends, there are certain things wannabe slimmers will do that will make your jaw drop.
Here, she tells Claire Dunwell and Mel Fallowfield about the ten most surprising secrets you are likely to discover if you sign up to sessions at your local slimming club.
THE WEIGH-IN DAY HUNGER STRIKE
WE always do the weigh-in at the beginning of the meeting and people go to extreme lengths to make sure they’ve lost at least something.
There were women who wouldn’t eat or drink anything on weigh-in day.
One woman nearly fainted on a particularly hot day, as she hadn’t had so much as a sip of water for hours.
They’ll also remove shoes and even most of their clothes to guarantee the magic number on the scales.
Once, a lady who was half a pound off her target weight took off her shoes, then removed her jewellery.
Finally her top came off, leaving her standing there in nothing but her skirt and bra.
At another club, a bride-to-be actually got naked.
They had to put screens around her to protect her modesty.
I joke that if I had nail clippers on me, they would be asking to cut their toe nails to lose an ounce.
SECRET TRIP TO THE CHIPPY
ONCE the weigh-in is over and done with, you can see the relief on everyone’s faces.
But I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve left the meeting, thinking everyone was buoyed up by their good intentions, only to spot a slimmer coming out of the local chippy with their head down, hoping they won’t be recognised, while cramming chips into their mouth.
SNEAKING AROUND THE SUPERMARKET
IT makes me laugh when I bump into people in the supermarket and they desperately try to hide their chocolate and sweet treats at the bottom of their trolley.
The look of panic on their faces is hilarious.
We once had a woman in our group who worked on the checkout.
She noticed that everyone in the club avoided her till like the plague, as they thought she might tell tales on the contents of their trolley.
LUNCHTIME LIES
PEOPLE tell barefaced lies to justify why they are not losing weight.
Some swear blind that they had a yoghurt and an apple for breakfast, chicken and salad for lunch, followed by fish and vegetables for dinner.
It’s hard to keep a straight face and not say, “Um, perhaps you had that as a starter?”.
Because if that’s what you are really eating, you will lose weight.
I’ve had women coming for months without knocking off so much as a pound.
SHRINKING SHOW-OFFS
IN meetings you will have anything from 15 to 40 people, ranging from cleaners to judges.
But in every class there are always certain “types”.
There will be the boaster, who says they haven’t lost weight because they were busy eating canapes and drinking champagne all weekend.
Then you will have the one who always loses weight but feigns surprise, saying, “I’ve no idea how I did that — I had three slices of cake and a packet of crisps.”
And then there’s the “me, me, me” type, who thinks the meetings are all about them and always tries to take over.
AT WAR OVER WEIGHT LOSS
THERE is hot competition to make the most progress.
It’s usually friendly . . . on the surface.
The eye rolling when it is the same person losing the most weight week after week is something to behold.
The funniest are the husbands and wives attending together.
I remember one woman would praise her husband through gritted teeth as he beat her every single week.
TEACHER’S PETS
YOU always find clients who are desperate to be the favourite.
They treat me like a guru and even bring me gifts to curry favour, such as a new low-calorie sauce they think I haven’t come across.
They will sometimes bring a detailed spreadsheet showing what they’ve eaten, too.
They’ve obviously been top of the class at school and couldn’t bear not to be top at a slimming club, either.
People also treasure getting smiley stickers for losing weight.
They are like kids back at primary school winning a gold star from the teacher.
LOSING POUNDS… AND POUNDS
SLIMMING clubs are a business, so your wallet will end up lighter after a meeting.
Most clubs will have a “product table”, which we position carefully so you get to it straight after your weigh-in.
That way, you will either be euphoric after losing weight and want to buy more of the same product, or you will feel desperate and want to give anything a go.
We set up the table precisely.
For example, if there are a lot of slimming bars left over, we will pile them up at the front to make them the first thing you see.
And we will always push the most expensive items, such as weighing scales or fitness trackers, as we get a commission on everything sold.
THE CHRISTMAS DRESS TRAP
THE more people we have in our classes, the more we get paid.
So we are always encouraging people to join.
We try to make people join before Christmas, telling them it will help them fit into their party dresses.
That way, when January comes, they are already committed to us.
January is the prime time for people to start their slimming journey and our numbers increase fourfold.
But only half will still be attending by February.
AND FINALLY…THE WIND
I JOKE that I need a gas mask by the end of a 30-minute meeting.
But the air is actually pretty toxic.
What people don’t realise about sugar-free sweets, which we sell by the bucketful, is that they give you terrible wind.
People buy them straight after the weigh-in and sit for the rest of the meeting chomping their way through them and then spend the time farting quietly.
It’s something I’ll never quite get used to.