Exclusive
IN THE RED
If you let your child celebrate Valentine’s Day it’s weird & creepy – it isn’t sweet or harmless, it’s sexualising them
THE debate caused a very awkward encounter with another mum
LAST week, at the park after school, another mum sidled up to me with a coy expression on her face.
“Could I get your address please?” she asked.
5
5
“Er… yeah. Actually… what for?” I stammered, wondering why on earth she wanted to know where I lived.
“My daughter wants to send your son a Valentine’s card,” she chuckled.
“She’s picked five boys to post one to and he’s on the list. Lucky him!”
If she was hoping for an enthusiastic reaction to this news, she certainly didn’t get one.
Trying to be polite, but unable to hide my disapproval, I told her I’d prefer it if her little girl didn’t send my son a Valentine’s, explaining I thought they’re far too young for that sort of thing.
“You do you,” I said. “But he’s only eight and there’s plenty of time for Valentine’s in the future.”
She flounced off, her nose clearly out of joint that I’d thrown shade on her parenting style. I couldn’t have cared less.
Seriously, what is wrong with parents who not only enable, but actively encourage, little children to take part in Valentine’s Day?
Last time I checked, love, romance and intimacy – even mild forms like kissing – were typically associated with adult life.
Most read in Fabulous
Yet, come February every year, Valentine’s Day is increasingly spilling into the lives of kids – aided and abetted by their naive parents.
There’s a lot about modern parenting I despair of, and this is definitely something that makes my eyes roll with sheer disbelief.
I’m a mum-of-12 and bought piles of Valentine’s Day presents for all my kids - people think it’s too much but I love spoiling them
Framing children’s relationships in a romantic way isn’t “cute”, “adorable”, or even just a “bit of fun”.
It’s straight up creepy and inappropriate.
All it does is contribute to the sexualisation of children and encourage them to grow up too fast. They’re kids, not mini adults.
The only love they need is from their families.
Seriously, what is wrong with parents who not only enable, but actively encourage, little children to take part in Valentine’s Day?
Eimear O’Hagan, 42
Why can’t other mums and dads see that?
Children are meant to have fun and learn together – not see one another as someone to love or desire, which is what the messaging around Valentine’s encourages.
Counsellor who works with families, isn’t a fan of kids taking part in Valentine’s Day either.
“The focus on Valentine’s Day embeds the idea that we should be spending our lives looking for romance and seeking ’the one’,” she says.
“We absorb these messages as children and, if we haven’t found ourselves fitting the mould as ‘one half’ of a happy couple, they can haunt us later on in life.
“It can also have a negative impact on how children view their own home lives. Perhaps they don’t live in the stereotypical setup that Valentine’s Day seems to celebrate.
“This can lead to a sense of embarrassment or shame.”
Georgina also fears Valentine’s Day encourages children to focus on looks “at a time when we want to be encouraging children to look beyond appearances”.
5
5
Valentine’s isn’t like other dates in the calendar which have kiddie-friendly paraphernalia, like Easter and Halloween.
It’s still largely marketed towards adults, only children are now being helped to jump on the bandwagon, believing romance and finding someone special is something they should be concerned about.
Since my eldest son started school in 2020, I’ve seen everything from cards and cuddly toys to chocolates handed out in the playground.
I’ve also had several mystery cards posted through my letterbox for both my sons and even turned down an invite for the eldest to attend a ‘Valentine’s disco’.
I told her I’d prefer it if her little girl didn’t send my son a Valentine’s, explaining I thought they’re far too young for that sort of thing
Eimear O’Hagan, 42
Parents think it’s harmless fun, but I disagree.
Quite simply, it’s irresponsible parenting.
Just as misguided are the parents – mainly mums – who go all out for Valentine’s at home for their kids.
I know mums who buy their children cards and chocolates, make heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast and dress kids up in heart-covered pyjamas.
They then plaster the photos all over Instagram to get likes and “so adorable hun” comments from their mates. <Pur-lease>.
Show kids you love them with a cuddle, not flowers and candle-lit chicken nuggets and chips.
Popularity contest
Valentine’s Day inevitably turns into a popularity contest, too.
It pains me to see the children who don’t get a card or gift looking left out and sad – or bullied because they’re not ‘cool’ enough to be fancied.
Valentine’s Day makes some adults feel rubbish about themselves – and it’s no different for little ones. Only they have less emotional resilience to cope with it.
February 14th will come and go in my house and as far as my sons are concerned, it will just be like any other day.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
5
My husband and I will hopefully remember to exchange cards – after 13 years together we’ve been known to forget – and enjoy a nice meal once the boys go to bed. But there will be no big gestures or gifts.
My boys are happy and innocent, so for now, let’s leave Valentine’s to the grown ups.
Topics