NOT A-FAIR?
I found my husband’s porn stash & so I want a divorce – he says his work mates bought it & people think I’m overreacting
Watch the video above to hear about how porn addiction is rising
A WIFE is seeking a divorce after coming across her husband's secret porn stash - even though he claimed his work friends bought it for him as a joke.
Now, the mum-of-two wishes to seek advice after being left hurt by her discovery as she believes he is using them for personal use.
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The woman, who is a stay-at-home-mum, took to online forum Mumsnet to share her concern but not everyone is agreeing with her.
In a lengthy post, “I've just been sorting through some of my darling husband's things (he knew I would be doing this; I wasn't snooping) and found a stash of porn DVDs. I feel sick.
“Ever since I've been with him, we have had arguments over porn. He sort of came of age using porn, as I was his first sexual partner.
“We nearly split up when I was pregnant with our first darling daughter because he bought porn and lied to me about what it was.
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“It was the lying to my face that angered and hurt me, not necessarily that it was porn he bought.
“Up until that point, I would have trusted him with my life. I just can't stand being lied to.
“I think he has continued using porn, even though he knows I hate it.”
The mum explained that she is trying not to “police” what he does “when alone,” and she knows he may want to self-please “which is fine” but “why can't he just use his imagination like I do?”
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She continues: “A couple of years ago when my second darling daughter was about seven months old, after a rough patch, I found out that he registered with an extra marital affairs website.
“At first he said he hadn't been on it, he must have clicked it by accident, maybe someone had hacked his email he looked me in the eyes and said he loved me too much to ever do that...and I believed him - id*t that I am.
What I saw on Pornhub was so shocking I went to war with them
“Of course the next night I snooped on the laptop and found his profile on there - even when I confronted him he swore that he hadn't, when I was looking right at the page.
“I gave him another chance, we had very small children, I had no money, it seemed too difficult to leave, but obviously since then I've found it hard to trust him.
“At Christmas his workmates apparently got him some porn DVDs as a joke present (he's told them I hate it) and he showed me one or two and snapped them and put them in the bin, to show honesty.
“But now I have just found this stash in his work stuff, some are out of their packets so must have been used but I don't know when. If I confront him, he will lie as he has always done.
If he does, then you deserve better
Mumsnet comment
“What do I do now? I've had enough.
“And for the first time I feel I could be emotionally strong enough to be a single parent, but still in a dire financial situation as I'm a stay-at-home-mum with no savings and no job.
“Am I just overreacting?”
The post gained a lot of attention from other on the online forum, with many rushing to the comments section to share their thoughts.
One wrote: “It's porn ffs, it's not a receipt to say/show he's shagged some wh**e!
Is watching porn without your partner cheating?
Speaking to Aoife Drury, a accredted psychosexual and relationship therapist says:
“Porn is used for various reasons, whether it’s to help someone engage with a kink, heighten desire, explore their fantasies, or escape their current reality.
“It is really important to have conversations with a partner regarding what signifies cheating for you.
"Porn can be a fantastic tool to understand each other better and provide a great way to connect."
“You are defo over reacting.”
But another said: “Even if he is telling the truth he obviously was intending to watch them, otherwise he would have just dumped them in the nearest skip or something like that rather than bringing them home.
“Sorry that you're having to go through this.”
And a third wrote: “Of course you haven't let anyone down!
“We have no agenda here apart from making sure you feel supported whatever you try to do.
“Just make sure he knows how close he came to losing you and make it absolutely clear that if he lies to you again you'll be gone - and mean it.
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“If he does, then you deserve better. If he learns his lesson and grows up a bit, then all's well that ends well.
“I hope everything's OK from now on - but please don't be afraid to come back if he lets you down again.”
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