Meet the woman who gets paid to help Brits cheat on their partners, she says it’s not the men who have affairs for sex
Isabella Mise works for the world's most controversial affairs site
ISABELLA Mise isn’t a cheat.
In fact she describes herself as ‘pro-monogamy’ but working for extramarital affairs dating site Ashley Madison it’s her job to help others be unfaithful, including couples like Jess* and Tom.*
Jess, 37 is seven-months pregnant but she and her husband Tom, 41, are under no illusion about their sex life.
Rather than hunting for nannies the London couple are looking for a woman Tom can have an affair with.
It sounds shocking but the husband and wife are a new breed of Brits who are consensually non-monogamous according to Isabella.
“More Brits than ever before are joining Ashley Madison,” says Isabella Mise, one of Ashley Madison’s global bosses.
“In the last five months our sites have seen a staggering rise in membership.
“In Britain there has been a 124% increase in total signups, and they are our fourth biggest cheaters globally.”
Ashley Madison was launched in 2001, under the slogan: ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’
By the end of 2014 the site had almost 40 million users worldwide.
But in July 2015 the so called ‘cheaters dating app’ made global headlines, when a group calling itself “The Impact Team” announced they had stolen the site’s user data.
Named and shamed in the data leak were multiple celebrities, politicians and business people.
The leak resulted in lawsuits, the resignation of the sites boss and founder Noel Biderman and was tragically linked to two suicides.
Despite the setback Ashley Madison remained operational.
In May this year a three-part Netflix series, Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies & Scandal, was released detailing how the mayhem unfolded going behind the scenes of the drama which saw marriages implode and millions paid out in compensation.
Now five months on, Isabella Mise’s job is to sell the new look Ashley Madison image.
While the site is still the go-to place for illicit affairs, Isabella says that an increasing number of users are joining the site as a couple.
“It is amazing. Since lockdown there has been a dramatic shift in how people view their long-term monogamous relationships,” she explains.
“It does not surprise me. Gen Z Brits are spearheading the push. They are more open about their sexual needs. They are redefining monogamy and marriage,” she says.
In 2022 alone, more than 85000 British Gen Z joined the site.
Around the world 18- to 28-year-olds make up forty percent of new memberships.
Ashley Madison scandal explained
Ashley Madison members were the focus of a HUGE scandal after they signed up for an affair.
Here we take a look at that scandal as it un folded:
Ashley Madison was founded in 2001 by Canadian Darren Morgen-stern.
It’s members were assured of total discretion and promised a dream of being able to spice up their sex lives with a bit on the side – without their spouses finding out.
The extramarital affair dating site had millions and millions of subscribers worldwide.
But a cyber attack in July 2015 exposed the identities of three million users — and they were left fearing the sexual fantasies they had shared on the site would be leaked too.
The fallout was immeasurable, with the names and addresses of politicians and celebrities as well as ordinary folk spread across the internet.
Marriages were destroyed, people lost their jobs and at least two individuals took their own lives.
Despite the company offering a $500,000 reward and a huge cyber and police investigation, the hackers were never uncovered.
But far from crushing the Ashley Madison empire, the data leak actually boosted its popularity and the site now boasts around 70million members.
“They know what they want from relationships and affairs, and they are not afraid to ask for it,” says Isabella.
“The Netflix documentary did not hurt us, it helped us.
“Since Lockdown people are looking to non-monogamous monogamy redefining their relationships. Ashley Madison is how they are doing it,”
Since the scandal documentary aired globally there was a 44.16% increase in signups with new Brits membership increasing by 123.07%
The site boasts 3.4 million UK members and for every one hundred men who sign up for an illicit affair 75 women join.
“It’s almost half and half,”
According to Isabella more Brits than ever before are willing to consider ‘non-monogamy monogamy’ as a part of their core relationships.
“Statistics show that 26% of generation Z members from Britain want to be in a non-monogamous relationship.
“That may sound confusing, but it is not. More members of Ashley Madison than ever before are joining the site with their longer-term partner or wife or husband’s OK.
Disclosed non-monogamy is when a couple agrees one or both can Jong the website and have an illicit affair, or cheat.
“These couples have had a discussion. They decided they wanted to allow this in their relationship, and they use our site to do it,” says Isabella.
“There is still a high number of memberships in undisclosed non monogamous relationships. That means they are keeping it secret.
“So yes, they are cheating. / But they are doing it in a safe environment with like minded individuals. The Taboo is gone.”
“In 2015 people had different views on ‘illicit encounters’ than they do now.
“People are more open about their sexual needs. Women are declaring their sexual need for more openness, and men are talking about what they want in a more open way,” she says.
“It is a cultural shift. It is why more Brits than ever before are signing up.
Isabella says working for Ashley Madison has opened her eyes to why men and women cheat.
“People assume men cheat because their sexual desires are not being met, but that’s not the case,” she says.
Women cheat or have affairs because they are sexual needs are not being met
Isabella Mise
“Men generally have affairs where their emotional needs aren’t being taken care of,” she says.
“Women cheat or have affairs because they are sexual needs are not being met in their ‘core relationship’ or marriage.”
Isabella, who oversees the site’s global communications admits she is quite the old-fashioned girl.
“I am pro-monogamy in my personal relationships,” she admits.
“That is just me. I am thrilled people can use the site to have their sexual and emotional needs met in a safe space.
“If it works for them that is great. It is why I love what I do.
“It’s important that people have a place to find others who want the same thing. Workplace affairs or affairs within friend groups can wreak havoc.
“Ashley Madison gives people a safe place to have an affair or a fling with or without their partner’s OK.”
Isabella agrees that some people still sign up to cheat in the old-fashioned way and that can harm their core relationship.
She adds: “That however is their choice.
“Choice is crucial and I am proud to be a part of an organisation that is evolving and meeting the needs of more people than ever before.”
*Names have been changed
