UNDER THE SHEETS
I’m fed up of being ghosted after bedding men – I’m curvy & overly sexualised & sex is ruining my relationship chances
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A WOMAN has shared her concerns after being ghosted on numerous occasions after sleeping with men.
The single woman revealed she is often heavily sexualised by men for being curvy and feels as though men are only interested in her for sex.
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After sleeping with men and then being ignored, the woman was keen for advice, as she claimed sex is “ruining” her relationships.
On a recent episode of the Closet Confessions podcast, we heard actress and online personality Coco Sarel and author and journalist Candice Brathwaite give their advice to the anonymous listener.
The anonymous woman wrote to the duo and explained: “I think sex is ruining potential relationships.”
The curvy woman confessed how quickly she is doing the deed with men and shared her concerns after being ghosted multiple times.
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The woman admitted: “I started dating again last year after coming out of a relationship and I honestly felt disappointed to say the least by the men I’ve been dating.
“I think I’ve slept with a few of them way too early, I’m a curvy girl and I always feel I’m heavily sexualised and sometimes notice men only want me for sex.
“I’ve noticed a pattern in how they act after - they ghost or act weird.”
As a result, the woman added: “Due to the sheer disappointment of this, I paused dating for a bit, but I’ve recently started back and opened up my dating pool, because I really want to meet someone.”
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The woman explained that she had recently met an "amazing" man, but things quickly changed after they slept together.
She confessed: “I met this guy and he’s been amazing. We talk almost every day and have amazing dates.
I tried to entice my husband to have sex with me but he had a million excuses including ‘my eyes hurt’ so I cheated
“We had been seeing each other for a little over a month and then we slept with each other. I held my breath because I’m scared of history repeating itself.
“He did act weird the first few days, I’m not going to lie, but he started talking again normally but despite chatting everyday he hasn't organised for us to meet up, due to his busy calendar.
Dealing with sex addiction
IF you, or someone you know, is dealing with a sex addiction, here's everything you need to know...
Seek Professional Help: Consulting a therapist who specialises in sexual addiction can be very beneficial. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches can help address underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who are experiencing similar challenges can provide support and understanding. Groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offer a safe space to share experiences and gain insights.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to avoid triggers and situations that may lead to addictive behaviours. This might include limiting internet usage, avoiding certain places, or ending unhealthy relationships.
Develop Healthy Habits: Engage in activities that promote well-being and fulfilment, such as exercise, hobbies, or volunteering. These can help redirect energy towards positive outlets.
Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and yoga can help manage stress and reduce the urge to engage in addictive behaviours.
Education: Learning about sex addiction can help you understand your condition better and recognise patterns and triggers. Knowledge is a powerful tool in managing addiction.
Accountability: Having a trusted friend or sponsor to check in with can provide accountability and support. This person can help you stay on track with your recovery goals.
Avoid Isolation: Isolation can exacerbate addictive behaviours. Try to maintain social connections and seek out healthy relationships that offer support and companionship.
Set Realistic Goals: Recovery is a journey and setting small, achievable goals can help you stay motivated and track your progress.
Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage symptoms of sex addiction, particularly if there are co-occurring mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
“He warned me before we slept together that he was going to be busy for July, but now I’m not seeing him for two weeks, I think I’m falling into that trap.”
Keen for advice, she asked: “I don’t know what to do, is sex really ruining my relationship chances?”
Sarel and Candice were eager to share their thoughts, with both of them in agreement that the listener was bedding men too quickly.
Sarel shared: “I am a a firm believer of celibacy at some point in your life. I’ll advocate it till the day I die.
In this respect, even though you said you waited, a month was too quick
Candice Brathwaite
“I think you have to go through an intention period of time, at some point in your life, where you are actively not having sex because you don’t want to, because I think it opens you up to a world where you get to discover yourself, but also, you’re not basing your connections off of something physical.”
Not only this, but she also explained: “I think for you specifically being a curvier girl, I totally understand the overly-sexualisation of us.
“Definitely pull up the p***y drawbridge. It’s gotta close.
“But also understand that because you know that sometimes you get oversexualised, you have to safeguard yourself.”
Which generation is having the most sex?
A new report has lifted the lid on bedroom antics.
The research, conducted by experts at Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, revealed the average number of times people of different generations have sex per month.
- Gen Z - three times a month
- Millennials - five times a month
- Gen X - five times a month
- Boomers - three times a month
Following this, Candice chimed in: “In this respect, even though you said you waited, a month was too quick.
“I would’ve expected a quarter, three months.”
Not only this, but the duo explained that playing hard to get is the way forward, as Candice advised: “Always ignoring. Always busy. He has to run you down.
“A man loves a chase at the end of the day. That’s why I believe in serial dating.
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“Date lots, date plenty. No-one’s saying you have to sleep with these men.
“If women just said, 'F**k it, we’re going on p***y strike today' …you wanna see change? Close the p***y drawbridge.
“You can’t let your fear of being single rule you. You’re going to be hurt.”
Both women recommended that waiting six months after dating and chatting to someone new before climbing into bed is the way forward, as they stressed: “I think for you specifically, you need to make a rule that between six months to a year, before you even date in that capacity.”
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Following this, Sarel assured: “What celibacy does to you - your standards skyrocket.
“You don’t have time anymore because you’ve taken the power of sex off the table. It’s not even a conversation.”
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