Secret sex with married men behind my fiancé’s back drives me wild with desire…I won’t stop even after we tie the knot
LOGGING on to my laptop, I excitedly check out the venue hosting my dream wedding in six months’ time.
But as I scroll through images of the stately home’s banqueting tables and flower arches, a notification pops up on my screen.
It’s not a wedding guest RSVP, but an alert from a dating website for married people — and it informs me I have three new matches.
Although I am very happily engaged, and genuinely excited about walking down the aisle with my handsome fiancé Rob*, I also crave sex with strangers.
A thrill runs through me as photos of the gorgeous blokes pop up, and eager messages start pinging back and forth between us.
I truly love my partner of two years, but married men looking to have an affair drive me wild with desire.
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I know I’ll probably have slept with at least one of them by the end of the week. I’ll just have to make sure it’s on a day when my fiancé is away.
I’ve never said this out loud, but I have slept with six different men since I got engaged to Rob, 39, a pilot, in December 2022 — and I still fully intend to go through with my wedding next year.
I’ve had sex with a policeman, a lawyer and businessmen outdoors in beauty spots and in luxury hotels. It’s been hot and steamy and I do not regret it.
I know people will judge me, but I believe I’m doing exactly what many women deep down wish they could be doing.
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My pals know nothing about this secret side of me. I wouldn’t want them to blab and ruin my future happiness with Rob.
But I know that, secretly, my friends would love to have a happy marriage and a fulfilling sex life with men who are great in bed.
However, they close down that side of themselves and shut out their impulses as they want to conform.
I have no intention of stopping my sneaking around, just to abide by societal rules.
The truth is, I am bored of having sex with the same man.
When Rob and I fell in love in June 2022, I could never imagine this sexual awakening would be in my future.
We’d been colleagues prior to getting together. We were temping part-time in the same office while I gained my marketing qualifications and before he trained to be a pilot.
We both had partners, but had always got on well and had flirted like mad. Then, we lost touch and hadn’t seen each other for five years.
‘Predictable sex’
But when he found out from a mutual friend that I was single, he texted me out of the blue.
“Fancy letting me take you out to dinner?” he asked.
Laughing at the surprise of hearing from him after all this time, I said: “Why not?”
We met up the next evening.
In the romantically lit French restaurant, I was smitten by his rugged good looks and mischievous smile.
We started dating straight away and, from our first meeting, I was thrilled his sex drive matched mine.
We were at it several times a night. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, which is something I need in a relationship. We would have sex everywhere and every day — we even did it in a restaurant toilet once.
I was completely love-struck and we moved in together after four months. Just six months on from our first date, Rob turned to me as we cuddled up in bed and asked: “Marry me?”
“Yes!” I gushed, kissing him — I could honestly see myself being with him forever.
We were excited to plan our wedding, and have arranged it for June 2025.
While the sex was perfect at first, it quickly became predictable. By the time we’d been together for seven months, it just wasn’t exciting me.
I began to know when he’d try and initiate sex, and exactly how each romp would play out.
Sex with Rob became boring...I just missed the rush of sleeping with someone new
It was still good, but the thrill of sleeping with him had died and, if
I’m honest, it was that buzz that kept me happy. I loved him completely for the kind, gentle man he was. I’d never loved anyone more.
But, with a shock, I realised I missed the rush from sleeping with someone for the first time.
I thought about suggesting swinging to Rob, but he’s so jealous that I knew he wouldn’t be open to it.
The passion of those first few romps with someone new is unrivalled for a thrill.
My longest relationship before Rob had lasted six months, and I lost interest in that guy because the sex became boring.
I had only been in a handful of relationships prior to that.
But I must admit, sleeping with married men was nothing new for me.
I started having those kind of affairs ten years ago, when I was 26.
I’d just been dumped and my high sex drive meant I missed the great time we had in bed.
One night, feeling bored, I decided to see if I could meet someone for a fling. I didn’t want a relationship, I just wanted to have some fun.
I signed up to website Illicit Encounters, which helps people have affairs and is free for women to join.
Before long we were tearing each other’s clothes off in the back of his wife’s car
I was single, so did not feel guilty at all, and immediately got messages from dozens of men.
They weren’t sleazy, like you’d expect. They were generally in their 40s, married and well-off.
I enjoyed the thrill of having a dangerous liaison with them, and I didn’t think much about their wives, as they were the ones doing the dirty, not me.
It became something I dipped in and out of, depending on if I had a partner. Seven months into my current relationship, I understood with a jolt why those married men wanted a one-off night of passion with me — they were bored, like I was.
Rob was the nicest man I had ever met, but I can’t live a life of sexual blandness.
So one night, when he was out with mates, I sat at my kitchen table feeling unfulfilled.
Sinking a glass of wine, I realised there was a way for me to satisfy my sexual desire — and keep my lovely fiancé — by rejoining the dating site for married people there and then on my mobile.
Within minutes, guys were messaging me. I do sometimes worry about seeing someone I know on there — one man told me he’d accidentally been messaging his neighbour — but if I did, it would be mutually beneficial for us to keep quiet.
I tried not to think about Rob. Making sure I am sexually fulfilled seemed better for our relationship because, if I wasn’t, I’d have to leave — and I don’t want that.
I took a shine to a gorgeous bloke with piercing blue eyes and agreed to see him for a drink as Rob was away.
On a drizzly Wednesday afternoon, I logged off and drove to a pub a couple of miles away to meet him.
Before long, we were tearing each other’s clothes off in the back of his wife’s Range Rover.
Sex in car park
It was such a turn-on, meeting a stranger for sex and then calmly going back to work.
When Rob came home from working away the next day, I was amazed that I didn’t feel remotely guilty. I gave him a kiss and put my steamy encounter to the back of my mind.
I used the site again within a month, having sex in a country pub car park with a handsome finance worker.
Now it’s as if I’ve become addicted to midweek affairs.
I think there are double standards for men and women — people almost expect men to have their cake and eat it, but they’d be horrified if I told them I did the same thing.
Despite what people may think, there is no way these dalliances will stop me marrying the man I love.
I’ve always dreamed of the white wedding, an idyllic life with a handful of kids and a devoted husband.
But I’m only human and I know my appetite for new sexual experiences isn’t going to disappear any time soon.
I realise it sounds terrible, but I don’t really feel guilty about cheating on Rob. I love him completely and I can’t wait to marry him.
But even as I handwrite my wedding vows and picture him in his tux, I know I won’t give up my affairs.
I wouldn’t even rule out sleeping with someone else the night before my wedding. It gives me a kick.
I don’t think he suspects a thing and, even if he did, my computer and phone have passwords and facial recognition settings turned on.
He would be crushed if he found out, but I’m careful to always use protection.
I know I can have a long and happy marriage while I carry on having affairs — to me, a successful marriage and sex aren’t the same thing. I can separate lust from love.
When I say my wedding vows, I will really mean that I want to be with Rob forever.
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But there’s no way I can promise to only sleep with one man for the rest of my life.
- *Names have been changed
HOW TO UP THE HEAT ...WITH NO DECEIT
SEXPERT Sarah Mulindwa, host of Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic, reveals her tips to reignite passion in your relationship without cheating.
MASTER ROLE PLAY: This is perfect if you feel familiarity is killing your passion vibes.
Pretend you are strangers to recapture that magic.
Book a hotel, or turn your lounge into a candle-lit bar, and let your imagination run wild.
That familiar face will soon seem different and enticing.
GO SHOPPING: Pencil in an afternoon where, instead of Christmas presents, you buy each other something saucy from Ann Summers, or choose sexy lingerie together at M&S.
It builds anticipation for alone time later, heightening arousal and increasing the intensity of the actual encounter.
PLAN SEXY WEEKENDS: Make a list of something steamy to do each weekend in December with a sexy advent calendar.
The Lovehoney Oh! 30 Nights Of Hot Sex Kinky Calendar, £9.99, lovehoney.co.uk, has daily ideas for frisky fun.
And behind each of the 24 doors on the Sinful Original Advent Calendar, £79.20, sinful.co.uk, you’ll find a naughty surprise, including sex toys and bondage.