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HELL ON EARTH
My abusive girlfriend made me sleep on the floor & banned me from using the toilet, she cut me if she didn’t get her way
Sarah Rigby would frisk Gareth Jones every time he left the house
HURRYING out of the house and down the street, Gareth Jones hoped he would make it to the local pub in time to use the toilet.
Despite having a perfectly good bathroom at home, he was forced to make the humiliating trip daily – because his abusive partner banned him from going to the loo in his own home.
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Sarah Rigby, a nurse, also stopped Gareth from showering, isolated him from his family and friends, and kept control of his finances.
When she failed to get pregnant within a month, she mocked his performance in the bedroom, telling him he didn’t 'last' long enough.
Rigby also picked at his appearance, telling him to wear a hat because he was losing his hair, and making him eat toothpaste before she would kiss him, complaining of his bad breath.
The mum-of-six also said he was too fat, and when they ate out she ordered food for him, forcing him to eat salads, even though he was picking up the bill.
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Rigby admitted coercive control at Chester Crown Court in May last year and was handed a suspended sentence, a punishment slammed by victim Gareth.
The NHS manager, 41, who was left feeling suicidal because of the abuse, says: "There is a stigma surrounding male domestic abuse and I feel she’d have got a harsher punishment if she was a man.
“I was really disappointed with the sentence.
“I was suicidal over the way she treated me, yet she walked out of court with no more than a telling off.”
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Gareth met Rigby on a dating app in July 2021 and their relationship quickly turned serious.
He says: “She showered me with affection saying she needed me in her life, and she loved me.
“Sarah was glamorous and funny.
My wife threatened me with a knife & beat me with bottles
“She had five kids at the time and was training to be a nurse. I had no children or ties, and I had a good job.
“I guess I felt I could help look after her.”
Gareth, originally from South Wales but now living in Cheshire, says that Rigby’s behaviour began to change just two months into their relationship.
“I booked a holiday in Spain for us in September that year but two days before our flight, Sarah pulled out, without giving me any reason,” he recalls.
“I lost most of the money on the trip.
“That same week, she announced our relationship was over, which stunned me.
“But I accepted it and went back on the dating app.”
A couple of days later Rigby texted Gareth telling him she wanted to give their relationship another go.
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“I went round and stayed overnight, but when she saw the dating app on my phone, she threw me out in my boxer shorts in the cold,” he says.
“Sarah refused to let me in and in the end, I had to call the police. I didn’t know what else to do.
“She eventually handed my laptop and a pair of jeans to the police, and I went home. I thought that was it. But she messaged again, blaming her behaviour on her mood swings."
Gareth buckled, deciding to give Rigby another chance but he now says that was "part of the control and the manipulation.”
After he moved into her home in October, Rigby allowed him only one drawer for his belongings saying the rest would have to be stored outside.
Gareth says: “Over the next few weeks, she laid down more and more rules.
“Even though I was paying the bills and rent, she wouldn’t let me shower.
“I was only allowed to use the toilet for a quick wee, for anything else I had to go the local gym or the pub. There were times I was so desperate, I only just made it.”
Gareth says that he didn’t tell anyone what was happening to him, worrying that he would be ridiculed.
“I felt so humiliated, not being able to use the bathroom,” he says.
“I couldn’t confide in anyone, I thought they’d laugh at me and say these things didn’t happen to men.”
She’d frisk me on my way out to make sure I wasn’t smuggling food or shower gel
Gareth Jones
As their relationship went on Rigby continued to take more control over all aspects of Gareth’s life.
“Sarah took control of my money too; I had to pay for everything, and I wasn’t permitted to buy stuff for myself.,” he says.
“She didn’t let me have a door key and I wasn’t allowed in the house when she wasn’t there. Sometimes, I’d wander the streets, with nowhere to go, and I missed important work meetings and deadlines.
“She didn’t let me see family members, and I was only allowed to call my Mum if it was on speaker phone, so she could listen in. She’d check my phone afterwards too.
“When things didn’t go how Sarah wanted, she’d either kick me out for the night, or make me sleep on the floor, without a duvet and with the windows wide open.
“I was only allowed an occasional shower and afterwards I’d have to spend an hour disinfecting the bathroom.
“She’d frisk me on my way out to make sure I wasn’t smuggling food or shower gel.”
As well as enforcing extreme rules, Rigby also began to mock Gareth with cruel taunts..
“She started picking at my appearance too, saying I was overweight,” he says.
“We often ate out, but I was only permitted to eat the same as Sarah, or a salad, even if it was a dish I didn’t like, and even though I was paying for it. Over eight weeks I lost four stone.
“She complained I had bad breath and regularly sent me to the bathroom to eat toothpaste and drink mouthwash.
“She insisted I was going bald and made me wear a hat when we went out.
“It was relentless; day after day, one demand after another. Gradually, she chipped away at my self-esteem, until I felt completely worthless.
“I couldn’t even think for myself anymore. At work in the local library, I might be in the middle of a meeting when she’d message and instruct me to go straight home. I just did as she said.”
While Rigby was intent on making Gareth’s life a misery, she was also insistent that they try for a baby.
“She told me I had one month to get her pregnant,” he says.
“I had to have sex several times during my working day. But in the bedroom, she made constant jibes about my performance.
“And when she failed to fall pregnant, she threw me out for the night, taunting me that she another man coming over instead while keeping her dating apps active.
How To Get Help:
You do not have to wait for an emergency situation to find help.
It's important to tell someone and remember you're not alone.
The NHS website states that you can:
- Talk to a doctor, health visitor or midwife
- Men can call Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm), or visit the webchat at Men's Advice Line (Wednesday 10am to 11.30am and 2.30pm to 4pm) for non-judgemental information and support
- Men can also call ManKind on 0182 3334 244 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm)
- Anyone can call Karma Nirvana on 0800 5999 247 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) for forced marriage and honour crimes. You can also call 020 7008 0151 to speak to the GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit
- In an emergency, call 999
Rigby also resorted to physical violence with Gareth.
In attacks, Sarah clawed him with her nails and on New Year’s Eve 2021 she smashed a glass candle holder across his nose.
On one trip to London, she made Gareth bleed by digging her nails into his arm after she demanded something expensive.
Gareth says: “I look back and wonder why I didn’t walk away but it wasn’t that easy. I was under her control.
“She threatened that, if I ever reported her, she’d tell police I’d raped her. She said they would take her side, and I believed that.
“It was horrific. My self-worth was absolutely shattered. I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to me, and too afraid of what Sarah might do if I did.”
Gareth could not see a way out until his mother intervened and told him she was concerned about Rigby.
He says says: “I began screenshotting Sarah’s abusive messages and sending them to Mum, with a DNR warning – Do Not Reply. Then, I pressed delete.
“In March 2022, I knew Sarah had an appointment, so I arranged to meet Mum in secret in a coffee shop.
“Whilst I was there, my phone bleeped with a message from Sarah asking if I’d taken a bag of crisps from the drawer.
The shame is hers, not mine, and I can finally hold my head up high
Gareth Jones
“When I admitted it, she replied: ‘You fat c***. No food for you tonight.’
“It barely registered with me. But Mum burst into tears.”
The next day, Gareth and his mum contacted the charity Mankind, who help male domestic abuse survivors.
“They advised me to pack a small bag containing essentials and to walk out,” he says.
“The next morning, I packed my laptop, phone, passport, and wallet. Then I pretended I was going to work.
“At the door, Sarah frisked me, as usual, to make sure I wasn’t smuggling food or shower gel out of the house. Luckily, I’d hidden my passport down my pants where she wouldn’t find it.
“When I got to the corner of the street, I called my parents and then I called the police. The relief was immense; I couldn’t believe I was out of there.”
While Gareth was free of the relationship he says he felt he was under Rigby’s control.
“A small part of me was still being controlled by Sarah,” he says.
“Even after I’d left, I sent her more money.
“I became suicidal when I realised just what a mess my life was in. I’d lost weight, and I was anxious and depressed. It took a long time for me to recover.”
In February 2024, Sarah Rigby, 41, appeared before Chester Crown Court UK and admitted coercive and controlling behaviour.
In May, she was handed a 20-month prison term which was suspended for two years.
Gareth says: “I was so disappointed with the sentencing.
“I can’t help feeling it would have been very different if she was a man.
“There is still a stigma in society regarding male domestic abuse and I believe there is a leniency towards female offenders.
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“I hope by speaking out I can persuade other men to do the same. Women can be perpetrators too.
“But the shame is hers, not mine, and I can finally hold my head up high.”
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