5 psychological tricks to make someone fall for you instantly and the 4 big conversation mistakes you want to avoid
FED up of never making it past the first date? Four dating and relationship experts have revealed the insider tricks that set pulses racing.
From the two colours you should wear, to the words you should effortlessly drop into conversation - there's no reason why a second date - and more - won't be on the cards...
Red nail theory
“Red is seen as the colour of passion, love and desire [and] a subtle touch, like a red lipstick, can have a strong effect,” on your date, Dating coach and relationship expert, James Preece.
“The red nail theory on social media taps into this idea, where women paint their nails red for the same reason.
“Black is also a strong colour option for a date outfit. It’s flattering to most people and adds a touch of mystery and sophistication.”
Dr. Lalitaa Suglani, an relationship and award-winning psychologist, reveals the evidence behind the red nail theory.
“The colour red has long been associated with passion, desire, and attraction,” she says. “Biologically, red is a powerful visual cue as it mimics physical signs of arousal like flushed skin or lips, which are subconsciously linked to health, fertility, and vitality.
“That’s why red often evokes desire and draws attention.
“Culturally, red has also long been associated with sexuality and confidence, think red lipstick, red dresses, red roses. It’s a colour we’ve been conditioned to associate with attraction.”
Triangle gaze
“Eye contact is already very powerful when it comes to effective communication, but if you want to turn up the intimacy without saying a single word, try out the triangle gaze technique,” , sex and relationship expert at suggests.
“This involves alternating eye contact between their left and right eyes and lips. This is a subtle way to signal romantic interest and instantly creates a sense of closeness between you both.
“But, don’t overdo it as it can come across a little creepy - just hold their eye contact slightly longer than normal, and sprinkle in a few soft glances to their lips.
“It’s very flirty and can be incredibly effective.”
Jessica Leoni, a sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, also recommends the “triple nod”.
“When your date is talking, use the triple nod - it’s a subtle cue that shows you’re engaged, encouraging them to open up and feel validated, which adds a feeling of emotional closeness.”
James' top body language signals to increase desire
Attraction is often communicated more nonverbally than we realise.
- Open posture (arms uncrossed, body oriented towards the person)
- Sustained eye contact, especially when paired with smiling
- Mirroring (subconsciously copying their movements or tone)
- Subtle touch (light touch on the arm or back during laughter)
- Leaning in when someone is speaking, signalling engagement
- Laughing can make the date feel seen and want more of you
- Lip biting draws attention to your mouth and adds a seductive playfulness
- Playing with your hair conveys flirtation and also femininity
Keywords to whisper
“Words can create deeper emotional bonds and desire”, Dr. Lalitaa says. But flirting successfully and increasing desire “aren’t just about compliments, they’re about making the other person feel something meaningful”.
The expert adds: “It’s less about being slick and more about being emotionally engaging.”
And there are a couple of words you can drop into conversation when you’re next on a date…
1. 'Imagine'
“This engages the mind in future possibilities. For example, ‘imagine us doing this again on a beach somewhere.’”
2. 'Feel'
“Emotionally charged language increases intimacy. The word ‘feel’ is a great example of this. ‘I love how easy it feels to talk to you.’”
3. 'We'
“We” creates a sense of connection and shared experience. You could say something like ‘we’re really vibing tonight.’”
Jessica also suggests using the other person’s name in conversation: “This works like a charm because using someone’s name sparingly throughout a chat triggers feelings of intimacy and attentiveness.”
There are also “certain phrases that land better on a potential new partner compared to generic compliments," Annabelle mentions.
“Such as ‘I’ve never told anyone this before’ or ‘You just understand me’ or ‘I always feel better around you’, as these invite emotional intimacy, make them feel special, and create emotional memories,” she says.
“Steer clear of heavy or negative topics early on in your talking phase, such as exes and family dramas. Instead, you want your connection to flourish organically with a foundation of joy and curiosity and remember to keep it sincere.”
Mystery over mind games
“Some men wait to reply to gauge your interest,” James says. “But the truth is, dating isn’t a competition. You're both trying to find a connection and should both be on the same team.
“If you’re free and want to reply, just do it. Being authentic is more attractive than playing hard to get.”
James, who is also an , has advice for anyone dating someone who is poor at texting: “Show the communication style you’d like to receive, rather than punishing them. But don’t appear too keen. If you’re interested in the other person, let them know, and make it clear you have other options.
“Many men enjoy the chase, so give them space to take the lead. If you are too keen, then it might make them question things. So get the balance right.”
Whatever you do, avoid displaying “hot and cold behaviour,” because James says this is “one of the worst mind games” to play when dating.
“Intense interest one day and ghosting the next. This can be a red flag that they are emotionally unavailable, but they do it to make you desire them more,” he adds.
Annabelle offers advice from a female perspective: “I’m not saying you should be a closed book, but leaving a little bit of mystery can leave people wanting more of you.
Conversation sins to avoid
Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com shared her advice...
Talking too much about yourself – focusing on yourself kills connection. What you want to aim for is balance, and show genuine interest in their life and stories.
Interrogation-style questions – rapid-fire questioning can make someone feel like they’re in an interview which can be really off-putting. Keep the flow natural and conversational, rather than asking continuous questions.
Showing off – confidence is sexy but make sure it doesn’t come across as bragging. People find it easier to connect with others who are relatable, and showing off can have a negative effect on the way you’re perceived.
Using tired pick-up lines or overly rehearsed compliments – it’s so important to be sincere because generic flattery often feels hollow. Compliments can be great confidence boosters, but make sure they’re specific to them so they don’t feel you’ve said it a million times before.
“Don’t hurry to respond to every single message or reveal everything about yourself in your first few interactions; let them discover layers of you over time.
“A little bit of unpredictability creates intrigue - but not to the point that you become frustrating or rude - and intrigue can be irresistible.
“The key here is to balance warmth with just the right amount of distance to leave them curious.”
Perfect date length
“The sweet spot for a first date is typically 60 to 90 minutes,” Dr. Lalitaa points out. “Long enough to build a connection and get beyond surface-level conversation, but short enough to leave space for curiosity and anticipation.”
Less than two hours might seem super short but “it’s all about emotional pacing”.
“You want to end a date on a high note (rather than dragging it out) - it keeps energy and interest alive, which is essential for building momentum,” she adds.
“A date that’s too long can lead to fatigue or oversharing, while too short might not allow for emotional safety to form.”
Instead, you want to focus on “creating a space that feels enjoyable, emotionally safe, and leaves room for ‘what next?’”.
As for what is the best date, James says many “men like to do something active like bowling, axe throwing or mini golf, because this gives them a chance to show off their skills and try to impress the other person. Not to mention, highlight their playful side”.
On the flip side, “a simple date like going for a drink is often ideal for the first time meeting up, because there's no pressure and it's much easier to get to know each other in a relaxed environment”.
“That way, you can save the activities for the second date when you know each other slightly better and feel there is already a spark there,” he adds.
