Mum reveals the REALLY gross things all parents do, including squeezing nits, biting off kids’ toenails and scooping poo out the bath
Amy Nickell has spoken out in support of Rochelle Humes who was criticised for sucking snot out of her baby daughter's nostrils
TODAY Rochelle Humes was criticised for sucking snot out of baby Valentina’s nose.
But who do those mums turning up their noses think they are kidding? Sucking snot out of a nose? That’s small fry.
Anyone who disagrees is in denial.
We are the people who sniff bums at least three times a day to check whether the nappy contents need changing, the people who wipe asses other than our own… let’s not pretend we are precious about a bit of snot eating.
Find me a parent who hasn’t taken glorious satisfaction in picking nits out of their child’s hair and I’ll give you my car (fully paid off VW Golf, since you ask). They just don’t exist.
See also, squeezing a constipated poo out of a toddler. Good times, good memories.
It’s also likely you took a photo of the prized matter to send to your concerned co-parent. Or in my case, your own mum – just to check.
Speaking of poo, potty training is a source of many an unsavoury experience.
If it isn’t waterproof, then it’s covered in wee and that includes all your body parts/clothes/loved ones.
Oh, and bedding. They will wet your bed at least once and you'll be too tired to change it.
You can't call yourself a mother until you've spent a night in your own kid's soggy sheets.
You also aren’t a real parent until you’ve taken a stream of wee straight in the eye.
Plus, who needs scissors when you can just bite off toenails with your teeth.
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And as for baby led weaning? What about semi regurgitated, mum-led weaning. You chew so they don’t have to like a mum-shaped human blender.
Also, if they are going to insist on bowling in every time you sit down on the loo then who wouldn’t save a few minutes, double up and just do a tandem poo.
Nothing says 'mother-child bonding' quite the same.
That is, when your kid can make it to the potty. If they don’t, well poo-nado.
Poo-nado's worst case scenario is in the bath. A parent who has had to fish nuggets out the water before they block the drains deserve a telegram from the Queen.
And if your tiny human hasn’t been eating their greens (and let’s face it, whose do?) then you could enter into a rabbit dropping-style situation.
Let me not forgot my recent experience. Think a spilled bag of Maltesers and you’re probably along the right lines. Spilled bag of Malteasers all over the kitchen floor.
I masterfully picked up each one with my bare hands with true motherly precision.
All while batting away the toddler from grabbing them at the same time. True motherly multitasking.
Motherly multitasking that also extends to the stemming the flow of a vomit hose, milk-drunk newborn while trying to cover up your boobs in Costa.
PS, I love the smell of my son’s poo and look forward to him farting, I suspect that’s also across the board, if we are being honest.
Oh come on, we’re the people who suck a dummy that’s been in the floor "to get the germs off".
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