Relationship experts reveal how to argue WITHOUT ending your relationship
All couples fight sometimes, but if you fight right, regular rows don't need to mean the end of your partnership
YOU'D think that a relationship without the occasional row would be perfect.
But according to couples therapists, ditching the disagreements shouldn't be your goal.
A group of couples counsellors were interviewed for the women-led website , and they came up with four simple ways to turn fights into productive conversations.
They also identified three red flags to look out for which could spell the end for your relationship.
If you've been in a relationship for a while, you've probably noticed that there is a pattern to your fights.
One of the main ways to improve things is to change that pattern - these tips and tricks can help you do just that.
Fight right tip 1: Hit the pause button
Before you start giving your other half the hairdryer treatment for forgetting to feed the cat/ water the plants/ buy that birthday present, take a breath.
By taking a moment you give yourself time to change your behaviour and do it differently.
And if it's you being shouted out, take a second to think about your reaction.
If you normally shout back, don't, if you normally run away from the situation, stay.
Choose to do things differently and you'll find the argument could be a useful way to change something that's not working in your relationship.
Fight right tip 2: Don't dredge up the past
Stick to the subject that started the fight and don't use the fracas to bring any old disagreements...again!
If you keep bringing up past problems, you'll struggle to move on from them.
Talk about what's happening right now, and look for solutions.
Fight right tip 3: It's all about you
Don't argue by simply blaming the other person and calling out all the things they've done wrong.
Instead, talk about how their actions affected you - it keeps the conversation less confrontational and allows the other person a chance to empathise with your feelings.
Instead of screaming "You were late to pick me up, again."
You could say "When you are late to pick me up, it makes me feel hurt and like I'm not important to you."
Fight right tip 4: Keep the conversation going
Changing a long held pattern of behaviour isn't going to happen overnight.
But don't give up, and keep talking about your relationship.
By sweeping problems under the carpet, you're only storing up trouble for the future.
Start looking at your fights and how they can help you to solve relationship problems and work on doing them well.
Fight right tip 5: Keep and eye on the situation
If you roll your eyes at the person you're fighting with, you're only going to make things worse.
Dr Holly Richmond explains: "When you roll your eyes at your partner during a fight, you're signalling that they are...not worthy of trying to be understood."
Keep in mind what message your body language is sending during the fight.
Fight right tip 6: Size matters
Some arguments get big, fast.
That's because we all have some issues which trigger basic responses, we learned in childhood, to fight, run or freeze.
Emotions run high in these types of arguments and, even though the argument is going nowhere, it continues to get out of hand.
Instead of letting a tiny issue blow up, be aware of when you're reacting too emotionally and think about shutting down the fight and revisiting when you're both calmer.
Fight right tip 7: It's OK to fight
Discussing issues in your relationship shows you care about it and want to make it work.
If you bottle up your feelings you could be heading for a relationship ending blowout.
Healthy relationships won't be completely fight free - the odd row will help you keep your love on track if you can both try our fight right tips and tricks.
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