Peta Todd admits she feels pregnancy guilt despite being excited to welcome another baby to the family
The mum-of-three talks family life and pregnancy guilt in her weekly column
I AM pregnant not ill.
I am also incredibly grateful to be pregnant and I don’t take it for granted for one single second.
However, I do not glow or bloom or any of the other things.
I moan, ache and chunder relentlessly – and most of all, I am suffering from a giant portion of guilt.
I feel guilty that I don’t love my new shape and instead find fault in every angle of my space hopper-like form.
I snipe at my husband if he dares tell me I look lovely, as if I think he is trying to mock me.
I feel guilty that I would happily conceal my bump as long as possible to avoid conversations about it.
Not because I’m not excited or proud, because I am both in abundance.
I also feel guilty that I moan about how tired I am, or how I can’t lay comfortably with a foot under my rib cage, because I know all too well how fortunate I am to be in that discomfort.
I just don’t enjoy being pregnant.
Although, I clearly am not a fast learner, given this is my fourth time.
I feel we have a strange attitude towards people who openly speak out to say they don’t love being pregnant, as if they are ungrateful and cold.
I, as well as those close to me, have had struggles conceiving.
I have actually had lots of messages through Instagram from couples at various stages of their journeys to become parents too and I genuinely invest in their ups and downs.
This time round, I have made a conscious effort to try to take in every little thing that perhaps I didn’t before, as I know it’s my last pregnancy. I want to remember it.
It blows my mind what my body is doing but however you become a family is just as mind-bendingly special.
Guilt is a huge part of being a parent and it starts way before the baby is even on the scene and continues for ever more. Working parent? Guilty. Full-time mum? Guilty.
Couples weekend? Guilty.
No quality time with partner? Guess what, guilty.
It’s time we gave ourselves a break every now and again.
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
I think I will just have to get my head around not being at my finest for these nine months.
But I do try to be aware that my griping may hurt others around me who would love to be pregnant.
Still, all things are relative.
Sometimes just dealing with your own emotions is quite enough for one day – especially when mine are currently riding some kind of theme park attraction.